Had I known How to Save a Life

Unstoppable

Chapter 25
*Meredith POV*

Life is unstoppable. There's no pause button. There's no rewind. There's no fast forward. There's no replays. You can put yourself on pause, life will move on with or with out you. So you can stay stuck in the past or caught up in the future. The thing is, you'll miss what's right in front of.

Derek and I stare at the ultrasound of our baby. I'm at 26 weeks. The OB moves the stick around more and we can hear the heartbeat and I am consumed with a feeling of pure happiness. Derek holds my hand with our fingers interlocked.

We get a picture of the ultrasound and and we walk out of the room and stare at it.

"See I told you everything would be fine." Derek tells me.

"Yeah, yeah. Horrible things constantly happen. It makes me feel better thinking I might be able to stop the unstoppable." I say.

"Nothing is wrong with our baby. Nothing unstoppable or impossible to fix. Be happy that everything is okay." He says.

"Fine. I'll try," I laugh.

We walk together to the Attendings Lounge to change into our scrubs. Maggie and Amelia are in there so I show them the picture of the ultrasound.

Maggie thinks she's the cutest thing in the entire world.

"Hey Maggie, I was wondering if you wanted to be my baby's God Mother? Just you know, in case something happens to Derek and I?" I ask.

"Really? You want me to be the God Mother?" She sounds shocked.

"Well, yeah. I mean you're already her aunt so why not God Mother too?" I laugh.

"Aw Meredith, thank you. I would be honored." She says.

I put my lab coat on and get ready for rounds. First is my patient that has an abdominal aneurism.

Ben is on my service today so he presents, "Jenny Johnson, 53 years old, in here today with an abdominal aneurism."

I go over the risks with her and her husband, but I remind them that without the surgery she'll die, but with the surgery she might die.

Jenny's surgery isn't till 11 and its 9 right now. So she's in pre-op.

I don't have anything to do so I go watch Derek's surgery. He's removing an inoperable tumor. Nothing is inoperable in Derek's eyes.

"Hey Mer, how's Bailey doing?" Alex asks me.

"Oh he's doing great. He got his stitches out yesterday and he loves playing with the cast." I laugh.

I get paged 9-1-1 for my aneurism. "Dammit, it's my aneurism." I say as I rush out of he gallery.

I run into her room and she's puking up blood. "Ben call the O.R. tell them that we're coming right now." I say.

He does that as I begin to rush her down there.

I scrub really fast as they put her under anesthesia. Ben comes in right after me. "Grey, what the hell happened?"

"I don't know. Sometimes they just burst even when you think they won't. It happens. And we don't always know why." I say.

We open her up quickly and it is a horror show. There's so much blood.

"We need to get control of this, before she bleeds out." I say.

"I'm trying Dr. Grey it's just that the blood is filling up the cavity faster than we are getting it suctioned. It's unstoppable." He says.

"Do you know what this means?" I ask Ben.

I don't let him answer, "It's time to stop the unstoppable."

Stopping all this bleeding is much more difficult than I thought it would be. We've done just about everything for the aneurism. Suddenly, her pressure drops and her heart stops.

"V-Fib!" Ben yells.

We get the paddles ready. "Charge to 300. Clear!" I say. Nothing.

"Dammit. Dammit!" I say. "Charge to 350. Clear!" Nothing.

She's not coming back. "Call it, Dr. Warren." I say.

"Time of death: 13:44."

I really thought I could save her. Now I'm left disappointed in myself. And I have to go tell a man I couldn't save his wife.

I use the same words we tell every patient. "I am so sorry for you're loss," and "We did everything that we could."

The rest of my day was thankfully a good one. I pick my kids up from daycare and I head home.

I put Zola and Bailey to bed and then I crawl into my own bed. The rain is really loud and there's a thunderstorm. Derek's not home yet either. Ellis is kicking so I figure talking to her might settle her down.

I hear Derek walk through the front door, or at least I thought it was.

I hear two people violently making out. Amelia and Owen. Finally, Derek gets home. He's soaking wet. But he's cute with his wet hair and clothes.

He dries off and crawls into bed with me. He tells me about his day and I laugh.

Derek starts to talk to the baby. When he does that, it gives me the feeling that we're going to be okay. Maybe not tomorrow or the next day, but right now.

I smile and pull him in for a kiss.

As much as life is unstoppable, we can be too. That might be the key to everything. Don't stop fighting. Don't stop trying. Just don't stop.

Author note:

Hey everyone! I just wanted to at happy [late] 4th of July. Also I'm really sorry that it's taken me forever to post this. I had an 827 word draft written then I decided I didn't like it anymore. So then I had to form up another idea, and go from there. Anyway, I hope y'all had a great weekend!

~Erin :)