Had I known How to Save a Life

First Day of Forever

Chapter 73
*Meredith POV*

There are these moments in life, when you know, life will never be the way it was before that moment. Maybe it's the best thing that will ever happen to you, but maybe it's the worst. When you meet the first day of forever, whether you willingly walked or were tossed into, embracing the change is the most important part.

I am changing Ellis' diaper before I have to go to work. I hold my breath as I change it; by a 3rd kid you gain two vital diaper changing skills: 1) how to change in under a minute 2) how to hold your breath for about a minute.

We have a marathon surgery today. And our biggest competition is the clock. Our patient is a 45 year old Male, his name is Michael. He has stage four terminal cancer; chemo isn't working, radiation isn't working, nothing has been working. His tumors metastasized from the small intestine into his liver. It's extremely rare. And this surgery is either going to give him his second chance at life, or end it.

*Alex POV*

It's been less than a day since Ashton was born. I have never felt this way before. I have never seen a stronger, happier, more beautiful being before. I thought Jo was the strongest and most beautiful woman; but then I met our daughter. I didn't know you could love somebody this much. It's a different kind of love. It's so unconditional, it grows stronger every minute. I would go to the ends of the Earth to protect her.

I sneak away while Jo was sleeping and they were doing infant tests on Ash. I run and grab these bright, bursting, red  roses for Jo. On the note I write: To my beautiful wife, I am excited to raise our daughter with you. I can already tell she gets her strength and courage from you. I love you, Jo, you're going to be an amazing mother.

I hide the flowers behind my back as I am about to enter the room, she doesn't know I'm watching, but I see Jo holding Ash. I hear Ash laugh and Jo kisses her soft forehead. She whispers something that I can't here from the doorway. I walk in and show Jo the flowers, I had a small rose Ashton.

I pick up Ashton from Jo's arms and she reads the note for her, tears well up in her eyes as she reads, she smiles and tells me that she loves me.

I look at Ashton and I'm she's just breathtaking. She is beautiful not just in the way she looks, but in the way she is. She just laughs when she looks into my eyes, she smiles when I talk to her, she hardly cries, when she got her shots she may have shed one tear. Maybe one. My daughter is beautiful in every sense of the word. Just like her mom.

*Jo POV*

I am reading the note on the flowers Alex got for me. He brings a new meaning to being a loving husband. He is going to be the best father ever.

With tears in my eyes, I choke out, "Alex, I love you so much"

I watch him with Ashton, and he is completely enchanted. He kisses her on the head and she giggles. She loves him too, it's the most beautiful father-daughter relationship I've ever seen. I'm so happy she'll get to have what I never had.

It's in this moment that I know, today is the first day of forever. Today is the

He hands her back to me because it's time for me to feed her. I'm tired, exhausted, and haven't had solid sleep in almost 2 days. But holding her is revitalizing.

She latches super well and she falls asleep feeding. I lay her across my chest to do skin to skin. She breathes in and out, silently. Every moment I look at her and hold her, it is love by a different name.

"Momma loves you so much, little Ash."  I whisper into her tiny ear.

"You can take a shower if you want, I got her" Alex offers. He has a point, I haven't showered in about 2 days. But I don't want to leave her.

"You're allowed spend 20 minutes in the shower, Jo" he says with a charming smile. "She's sleeping, she'll never know you were 20 feet away."

"But what if I miss something" I say.

"I'll come get you" he says.

I sit up a little bit and he takes her and she's fast asleep. A nurse helps me walk to the shower. I really don't want to take a long one, I take a minute to myself under the water, then I wash my hair and body.

I dry off quickly and out my hospital gown back on, I walk out to see Alex asleep with Ashton on his chest, fast asleep as well. My heart has never been so content.

Alex wakes up cause Ashton moves around, he kisses her forehead, "I think someone wants their mommy."

I smile and feel my love for her grow stronger. I have never felt more complete in my entire life. I hold her in my arms and I look into her eyes. My heart knows that she is mine. I can't even begin to explain it. I just never knew it was possible to love somebody this much, never knew that it was possible to feel so bonded to another human being. But then I met my daughter.

*Meredith POV*

Bailey is helping me with this case because it is the most complicated tumor I've ever seen. But we have something it doesn't; faith.

We've been at it now for 7 hours. Progress is slow. But it's better than what we expected. If we don't get the whole thing, Michael will die. Maybe not on this table. But we will have exhausted all of our options. This is our last shot.

More time passes and things are falling more into our favor. We're still in a race, however. It's been 10 hours now, and we don't know how much longer he can withstand anesthesia.

"Damage control" Bailey says.

"You think that's where we're at?" I ask her.

"I think if we really want to give this poor man a shot at life again, that is the only option right now. He's unstable, and we can't keep him under for much longer." She confronts the issue that I knew but wasn't ready to face yet. But she's right.

We pack him and tomorrow we will start again.

We speak with his family. They're the most hopeful people I've ever met.

I see Derek putting an iPad up at the nurses station. He kisses me and hugs me and I feel the same warmth and protection that him holding me in his arms always brings me.

"I was going to go see Alex and Jo, wanna come with?" I ask Derek, he nods and we go together.

When we get up there, Jackson & April, Callie & Arizona, Ben & Bailey, are already up there.

We're all in awe of how beautiful little Ashton is. Jo holds her and I can tell she's already had that moment. Where she knows from this point forward, life will never be the same. It's the moment when you fully understand that you're a mother.

The first day of forever. Though it can be intimidating, it is having courage and will to face the unknown that makes all the difference in the world. Even if the change is a good thing. In every change, lingering fear of the unknown will always reside.

**Author Note**

Hey everyone!
It's been so long. I know. Trust me. Lot has happened and changed in my life recently, thus my priorities have had to shift. My uncle (a lot like the patient I created in this chapter) has cancer and he lives with me, so, I've had a lot going on with that. It's very hard to deal with and very time consuming but if there's anything I know, it's that family is all you got at the end of the day. Anyway, more updates coming soon!!!