Had I known How to Save a Life

We Don't Say Goodbye

Chapter 35
*Cristina POV*

Letting go of something you held onto for so long, is not an easy thing to do. Leaving the place you used to call home is not an easy thing to do. Saying goodbye, stepping on an airplane. Nothing about leaving is easy. We don't say goodbye, because that means never coming back.

I stare at the OR board. I'm not scheduled for any surgeries today. There's a board meeting today so Meredith and Derek are here too. She walks up to me, "What are you looking at?" Mer asks me.

"I don't think I can leave." I tell her.

"But you have to. You have to get back to your hospital. I mean, you're printing hearts. There's no way you aren't getting nominated for the Harper Avery award again. Cristina, what you're doing over there is what your were born to do." Mer days.

"But what I'm doing over here, is what I wish I could do over there. In Seattle, I have you. I have this little family that we've formed since internship. I have friends in Zurich, but none of them are like the ones I have here. I wish I could do what I do there, but here." I tell her.

"One day you will." Mer says.

Yeah one day. Meredith is holding Ellis and she's so adorable. "Plus, I need this little one to know who I am so when she's older, and I visit and I say 'I remember you when you were just a baby.' She's not creeped out." I laugh.

"If Derek and I both die, you get the kids for 3 weeks remember? It's in the Will." Mer tells me, I remember that day. That was back when Meredith was pregnant with Bailey.

"I'd take them traveling, and to get their first tattoo...somewhere clean." I say again.

Alex joins us as we walk through the tunnels together.

"You conceive with Wilson yet?" I ask laughing. Mer told me all about the time she was sleeping in the on-call room and they didn't see her.

"Haha very funny. I'm terrified it's going to work. I don't know anything about raising a kid. I had crappy parents." Alex says.

"I had a crappy mom and I turned out as an almost okay mother." Meredith says.

We sit on the gurney's they keep down here like we used to. I'm going to miss this.

"Next time, you all should come to Zurich." I say.

"I've never been drunk in that country so that sounds like a plan." Meredith says.

Meredith gets paged for the board meeting and I walk to the attendings lounge.

"What would you ever do if Izzie came back?" I ask him.

"Run. Hide. Have someone tell her I went to Hopkins." He says.

"If I were to run into her, I'd sure as hell let her know I'm married and that she missed out." He laughs.

My flight is in 3 hours.

*Meredith POV*

I need to get back to work. This is killing me. Our board meeting isn't even worth showing up too. I decide to go to sleep to make pass. No one notices I'm sleeping besides Derek, who nudges on my shoulder when I have to vote on whatever I'm voting on.

After the meeting I really don't want to go back home. I got to the lounge and find Cristina there.

"We don't say goodbye. We say see you later. Okay?" She says.

"Okay." I say.

I wish she could stay longer but I know she has to go.

"When you win the Harper Avery this year, we're going to celebrate and get really drunk and it'll be what we should've done last time." I tell her.

"That sounds perfect." Cristina laughs.

"I gotta head to the airport." She says.

*Cristina POV*

"Dance it out?" Mer asks.

"Dance it out." I reply.

"You pick the song this time." She tells me.

I know the song almost perfect for this. I smile because Mer knows what song I'm about to play.

If you were here beside me, instead of in New York. If the curve of you was curved on me.

I'd tell you that I loved you before I even new you. 'Cause I loved the simple thought of you.

Mer laughs, "This is your favorite song!"

"It's one of them." I say.

If our hearts are never broken and there's no joy in the mending. There's so much this hurt can teach us both.

There's distance and there's silence. Your words have never left me. They're the prayer I say every day.

Come on, come out, come here, come here (repeats 3 more times)

The long neon lights and the ache of the ocean
And the fire that was starting to spark
I miss it all, from the love of the lightning
And the lack of it snaps me in two

We both continues dancing and Alex walks in and joins us too. "What the hell?"

"Shut up and dance with us!" I tell him.

If you were here beside me instead of in New York. In the arms you said you'd never leave.

I'd tell you that it's simple
And it was only ever thus
There is nowhere else I belong

Come on, come out, come here, come here (repeats 3 more times)

The long neon lights
And the ache of the ocean.
And the fire that was starting to spark
I miss it all, from the love to the lightning
And the lack of it snaps me in two

Just give me a sign
There is an end and a beginning
To the quiet chaos driving me mad
The long neon lights
And the want of the ocean
And the fire that is starting to go out.

We laugh a little more and I give Meredith and Alex a big hug. Alex heads out and I look at Meredith. "You are the reason I am who I am. I wouldn't be here without you. So stay alive. Don't do anything stupid. Because I need you to keep me going. You're my person. I love you. I don't want to leave you. But I gotta go. So see you later." I tell her.

A tear falls from her eye. "See you later."

I head to the airport. I give the flight attendant my boarding pass. I take a deep breath and step onto the plane.

Author note:

Sorry this took so long to update!! My wifi was down since Saturday. Plus, I am taking drivers Ed on virtual school so I don't have as much time as I used to. Oh and the name of the song is called New York by Snow Patrol. I love that song, so I thought it was good for their dance it out song. Anyway, hope y'all liked this chapter!!