Had I known How to Save a Life

When The Sky Falls

Chapter 58
*Alex POV*

There's a fear the runs up and down your body, when you know you've screwed up. As a surgeon, it becomes a test of your knowledge and how good of a doctor you are. As a person, it can eat you alive. There is no textbook on how to fix it. There isn't anyone ready to step in and take your place when it gets too rough. It's the kind of fear when you know you're doing it all alone.

How do I take it back? All of it, everything I said. I come home and Jo isn't there. I don't sleep. I just stare at the ceiling and look at her empty side of the bed.

I call Mer, "Have you seen Jo? Did she talk to you?" I ask urgently.

"Yeah, she told me most of it. You really screwed up, you know?" Mer tells me. "She stayed the night with Edwards, where ever it is Edwards lives." She tells me.

"She's on your service today right?" I ask.

"Yeah big surgery today. So even if she does go back home, it'll be late." Mer says.

I hang up and head into work. Apparently the whole freaking hospital knows about our argument. "You and Wilson are divorcing? While she's pregnant?" Arizona asks.

"What? No! We got into a fight. It's what couples do." I say and brush it off.

Shepherd walks by me and says, "Give it a day or two. Apologize, tell her you messed up and you're sorry. Say it all from the heart."

I don't have a busy day at all. I decide to go out and get Jo flowers. I realize I left my pager at the house so after I do this I'm going to run home to grab it.

*Meredith POV*

Wilson comes up to me and says she has an ultrasound so she's going to miss rounds, "Last week we were going to find out the gender but Alex had to leave early, so I never found out. But a few days ago I got a call to reschedule it." She tells me.

"Will Alex be there?" I ask her.

"I'm surprising him tonight, I can't stand fighting." She tells me.

It's good that they're going to work things out.

*1 hour later*

I do rounds and I have, Edwards and Warren with me. I explain to Sandra and her family what today's procedure will do. Suddenly, Edwards gets a page and her face turns pale. We finish and she looks to me, "Dr. Grey, I need to leave," she says.

We go somewhere to talk privately, because I want an explanation. "Where do you need to go and why?"

"Something is wrong..with Alex Karev and Jo Wilson's baby. So please, I need to take her home because she's in no condition to driver herself." She tells me.

"Go, right now. Don't say a word of this to anyone, especially because Alex probably doesn't know yet." I tell her.

*Alex POV*

I walk into the house, dropping the flowers I picked up on the kitchen counter. I was almost hoping she would be here. But I know she has that big surgery with Mer today.

I see her bag and her shoes on the couch. "Jo?" I call out.

I hear footsteps running down stairs. But they're not hers. Edwards runs around the corner. Tears in her eyes.

"What's going on? Where's Jo?" I ask frantically.

"Alex, whatever happened yesterday, forget about it. All of it. Something is wrong." She begins. "Somethings wrong with your baby."

And that's when the sky falls. The ground beneath collapses. I run up stairs to our room. Jo sits on the edge of the bed crying.

I'm trying to talk with out my voice breaking. She looks at me with eyes that are terrified. Her hands tremble. One placed on her abdomen.

"Alex" she whispers.

"Talk to me" I say to her.

"I had an ultrasound today...la-last week, I told them we should wait until you were there too. So I never found out the gender." She begins to say before she breaks down in tears.

"And...She has tumors wrapped around her arms. She could lose her hands and they said there were risks to the surgery. I didn't see Robbins because I couldn't do it alone. But they said she could die." Jo finishes, and she's sobbing.

I hold her tight, almost like I'll never let go. I run through my head what Jo just said. "We're not going to lose her." I say to comfort her.

"Wait...her? We're having a girl?" I ask.

"Oh, yeah, we're having a girl." She laughs a little.

I bring Jo's face close to mine. My forehead touching hers. "We will figure something out. Okay?"

"Okay."

Right this second, Jo needs to breath. She needs to know I'm here. We're lying down in our bed. Her head on my chest. My arms around her. She kicks a lot, so I leave my hand on Jo's abdomen and Jo's hand is on top of mine.

"Listen, about yesterday—" I say before she cuts me off, "Alex please don't. I was wrong. I'm sorry. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"No listen...please, I need you to know how much I love you, and our daughter. I didn't think it was possible to love someone this much, but I do. I love you." I tell her.

She starts tearing up again, "Alex, I'm scared. I'm so scared. She's supposed to be safe but she's not. She's not supposed to be in pain, but I think she is. What do I do? I don't know what to do. What are we going to do? What if I did something wrong?"

Think like a doctor. Not a dad. But I can't do that because I am both. I am a doctor and a dad. "We're going to go to Robbins, we're going to figure out what we're up against. We'll see our options. And then we'll fix it. And we'll all be okay. The three of us." I tell her.

"Even when the sky falls, we'll still be okay, because we have each other. And we have her." I tell Jo.

There's a lot to be afraid of in this world. But by far the scariest, the darkest kind of fear, is fear of the unknown. When you truly have no idea what you're up against. When you don't know how you'll recover if you lose everything. When you just don't know a damn thing and the sky is falling.

Author note:

Well, um. This is 100% not what I planned to write what so ever. I was about to publish a different chapter 3 hours ago with a happy ending and happily ever after for Jolex. But no, I just had to think "what if" and before I knew it I was writing a whole new chapter. Hope y'all like the suspense. Jk I'm an awful person.

-Erin :)