KIRSTEN'S POV
I used to follow only 8 people before on SoCiant, now there are nine. My mom, mama, my cousins from mom's side and one best friend, Drew, but he's not anymore.
And my cutie, Mella.
"Kirsten!" he shouted after I punched him. He has no right to steal a kiss from me! Lalo na't nakita ni Mella.
"Wag ka ng magpakita sa akin!" I shouted. I pulled back when he tried to reach for my hand.
"You're my fucking best friend Drew! Bukod kayna mommy, you know me. Don't you dare fucking touch me!"
"Sorry for falling in love with you Kirsten. HIndi ko napigilan, I tried. I swear."
I know he's intoxicated, and he's wasting his time coming here, since I'll never love him back. Yes, he's drunk now, but it will never be an excuse. Magkaibigan kami simula junior high. We enjoy playing basketball together. He was there when mama left. To me, he's like a brother
He courted me, and I also tried if I can learn how to love him. Pero hindi ko rin pala kayang pilitin ang sarili ko with someone na hindi ko naman talaga gusto.
Ayoko palang magmahal dahil lang sa lalaki siya at babae ako. Dahil lang sa 'yon ang tama para sa ibang tao. Para sa ibang paniniwala ng tao.
My heart won't take it, mahirap.
We already ended our friendship the day he courted me.
Hanggang kaibigan ko nalang siya kung may kailangan ako. But that's it. He's no longer my best friend.
"Fuck off Drew." The last words I uttered before chasing Mella inside.
Dapat hindi niya nakita 'yon. Pero kahit hindi niya makita I know she's upset with me right now, I told her to forget about our kiss.
But she had no idea that It was the best kiss I've ever experienced.
"What are you doing?" I asked when I found her fixing her things
"Bakit mo ako hinalikan?" I halted when she suddenly asked me about the kiss. "At ano 'yon? Joke? Joke ang nakita ko? Kaya gusto mong kalimutan ko ang nangyari sa sky garden dahil may hahalikan ka rin palang –"
"No that was not...it was–" I was trying to explain myself, but what's the point?
"Bakit hindi ka nalang nagalit kanina? Bakit hindi mo nalang ako sinampal? Bakit mo ako hinalikan? Bakit Kirsten? Bakit!"
I just looked away.
"Wag kang umiwas ng tingin! Kasi king nagalit ka nakang kanina eh di sana walang halikang nangyari, siguro hindi ganito kasakit. You know I have feelings for you, it's not that I was asking for you to like me back. Pero sana nilinaw mo nalang sa umpisa palang! Ano? Sweet ka sa lahat? Nanghahalik ka ng kahit sino?"
"I'm not like that!" I tried not to shout back, her words felt like wounding my skin but I also know I've hurt her more.
"Eh ano ka? Ha?"
"Do you really like me? Sigurado ka ba? Babae ako." Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili kong sabihin iyon.
Just like mama, wala siyang nagawa nong nabuntis ng iba si mommy. Si mommy ngayon, palagi siyang malungkot at pinipilit nalang niyang ngumiti sa amin, because mama married a man.
"So? Anong point mo? Eh di sana nong umpisa palang nilinaw mo na diba? Hindi yung, maguguluhan pa ako, mabilis lang naman akong kausap. Hindi yung magpapaasa ka."
She's right. I let her be confused. Ayoko rin kasing matigil ang pangungulit niya. Because I know I'll miss her.
"Kung sakali patulan kita? Magiging masaya ba tayo? Sa huli maghihiwalay lang rin tayo, cause we'll both realized we're not enough for each other." I said.
I know she's disappointed in me now. I can see it through her eyes.
"Okay, I'm sorry for liking you," the last words she said.
After that, she never spoke to me again. Kahit tumingin man lang sa akin. Tuwing umuuwi ako ng dormitory, she's acting like I don't exist. She's avoiding me. Ganito pala siya magalit.
It's like a torture to me, damn.
The agony I feel is unbearable.
"Ah gusto niyong kumain sa labas? tara?" Napalingon ako kay Kyla and she was inviting the both of us. Kahit sila naninibago sa aming dalawa.
"Ah kayo nalang," she answered.
She's damn cold. I hate it.
Pinagalitan nga niya ang dalawa every time they would tease her to me. Para bang nandidiri siya sa pangalan ko. Kaya hindi na nila kami tinutukso. Kahit sa University, hindi na siya tumitingin.
She used to stare at me, hindi niya lang alam na nahuhuli ko siya.
"I'm not hungry yet," I said.
"Ah okay. sige kami nalang."
Para lang akong hangin na dumadaan sa kanya, though I never tried to talk and approached her cause I'm a coward.
"Miss Genobana?"
Hanggang sa hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko.
"It's your senior calling you."
"Excuse me lang po ah, bakit po ba?" I'm glad visiting museums exists and I'm one of the chosen to help assist and guide freshmens.
"Let me see."
Kahit san siya mapunta, she's clumsy, she will always need me.
"Did you did this? Para magpapansin?" I asked while seeing her wound. Ilang beses ba siyang masusugatan? paano kung wala ako?
Paano kung hindi niya ako patawarin? then no one will look after her while her parents are away.
"Ha?"
"Para magpapansin sa akin." I'm even being delusional now. Of course, wala siyan ginagawa I just can't help but notice her, miss her.
"Excuse me lang ah, hindi ako nagpapapansin, ayokong magpapansin sa tulad mo."
She really hates me now, pero hindi ko kayang magtagal ang galit niya.
"That's my problem. You always succeed in making me feel as though I'm just a thing that exists whenever you continue to ignore me. It keeps getting my attention."
"Mella."
I know I can't take back what I've said and what I've done. Hindi ko na mabubura ang nakita niya.
I reached for her cheeks and I carefully raised her head for her to face me, I smiled nang maramdaman kong hindi ko na siya kailangang pilitin. I lowered my head and kissed her, just a quick kiss.
Then I rested my forehead on hers as our breath changed.
Natulala ako nang tumingkayad siya and wrapped her arms around my name and pull me for a kiss..
And my hands went down and rested on her hips.
Baka hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili ko tuwing makikita ko siya. Baka bigla ko nalang siyang halikan after this.
Loving you is wrong, they said and doing things right is easy, but I don't know why we always constantly choose the tough route.
And how will I know If I don't try now.
Alam kong sinabi kong ayaw ko ng gulo, but right now what I want and need is her.
I wanted to step out of this closet and explore the world with her in my arms.
–
