The Angelic Soul

For Antonie And Louis

My eyes shoot open.

I see Bill standing at the end of the bed, folding some of his clothes and some of mine.
He looks at me, "Holly? What's wrong?"
I take a few deep breaths, "it was just a bad dream"
"Aw, come here." He sits next to me and puts his arms out.

I hug him tight, wanting to forget what happened to Antonie and Louis.
I pull away from the hug and notice something different.
"Your hair? You haven't spiked it." I run my hands through his straight hair.
"Couldn't be bothered too." he laughed.
"I like it" I brush his side fringe out the way to get a better look of his face. His beautiful face.

"my pretty boy" i smile.
"you're not going to run away this time??"
I look at him confused.
"last time you said something like that, you ran away with embarrassment." he laughed.
"Shut up." i chuckle.
He smiles before getting up back to the clothes.

"Any news on Tom?" I questioned remembering what happened.
"Georg said he saw him drunk walking down the street, apparently he refused to get in and ran off. So me, Georg and Gustav are going to look for him today, you can come if you want." he sighed.
Bill looked like he was going to cry. I get up from the bed and go up to him.

"We will find him, don't worry my love." i hold his hand.
"I know" He puts his head down and i see a tear fall to the ground.
I cup his face with my other hand and he cries into my hand.
"What if we don't? i can't lose him! he's my twin, i love him." He cried.

I don't say anything. I place my hand on the back of his head and bring it down to my shoulder.
"We will." I whisper in his ear.
He sobs into my shoulder so more. I hear his bedroom door creak open.
"Is this a bad time?" i turn my head and Georg pokes his head through with Gustav stands behind him with a warming smile.
"No, it's fine. Im fine" Bill says wiping his eyes.

Georg and Gustav step in the room.
Something in me tells me to go hug both of them.
I jump into Georg's arms and hug him. He pats my back, "i'm glad you're okay."
I pull away from Georg and gently hug Gustav.
He gently hugs me back. He pulls away and gives me a warming smile.

"Right let me get changed and we'll go look for Tom." I say.
I grab low waist jeans and a cropped top with a red heart on it. I take one of Bill's belts with me as well.
I walk into the bathroom and get changed.
I look at the mirror and notice something i haven't before.

A polaroid of me and Bill.
The one we took the first time i came to his house.
I remember him taking those photos and how he smiled against my lip when i kissed him, and how i knew he was the one. i remember thinking, 'if i'm not with him, what is my life's purpose?'

I get changed into my clothes and brush my hair.
I do my teeth and spray body spray on me. I straighten myself up before walking out.
I walk out and realise they're all looking at me.

"don't even." i point at all of them.
I grab Bill's hand and walk out the bedroom.
Georg and Gustav followed us.
"We just going to find places where he could be on a map, we'll only be a minute." Bill says before going into the kitchen with the others.
I grab my shoes and put them on.

I look up and see a pack of cigarettes lying there.
"yolo" i say to myself before grabbing them.
I open the front door to go smoke one.

I'm met with Toms eyes. He's holding a bouquet of flowers with a note.
"i'm sorry." he hands me the flowers.
But all my body does is jump into his arms. He puts the bouquet down and wraps his arms around me.

"don't ever run away again" i whisper to him.
I feel him sob into my shoulder, "i'm sorry about the necklace"
"don't worry about it." i pull away from the hug and stroke his face.

He hands me the note, "read it later." he smiles.
I grab his hand, "Come on, Bill is worried."
I pick up the bouquet and make my way.

I walk into the kitchen, "i found someone."
They all at me confused until Tom walked in.

"TOM!" Bill cried as he ran to him. Bill hugged Tom almost knocking him over.
"Don't ever run away again idiot!" Bill shouted.
Bill pulled away and turn to me.
"Where's that from?" he points at the bouquet.
I point at Tom who's hugging Gustav and Georg.

"I love this flowers, how'd he know??"
Bill shrugged his shoulders.
Tom turns to me and Bill.
"i'm sorry, i should have never stormed out", He ran up to us and hugged us both, "i love both of you."

I gave him a kiss on the cheek before pulling away.
"We best go then." Georg said.

We stand at the door watching Georg and Gustav leave. Gustav turns around and waves. We wave back and smile.

They walk in the road and suddenly a car comes speeding by.

"WATCH OUT!" i close my eyes, remembering this exact moment but with Antonie and Louis.

June 12th 2003

"WATCH OUT!" i shout as i see my two best friends get hit by a speeding car. I watch as Antonie gets hit in the ribs and Louis in the back.
"NO!" i cry running to them.

I fall to my knees, landing in front of them.
Louis was breathing but was panicking. His leg was broken and his arm was bleeding, almost mangled.

"Holly, i'm not ready to die, not yet!" he holds my arm tightly.
"You're not going too." I stroke his forehead.
I wipe his tears.

I turn to Antonie who's not moving.
Eyes wide and chest still.
Ribs clearly broken, arm broken.
Ankles out of place.
The impact must have killed him.

"Oh my!" i whisper holding my hand over my mouth.
"SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!" i shout at the top of my lungs.
I hold Louis in my arms and look around. The driver must have run off out of fear.

"Holly?" Louis says weak.
"Yes Louis?" i say crying.
"I'm dying, aren't i?" he says with tears.
I couldn't bear to lie to him, "yes, i think so."

"I always saw you as my little sister i never had, I loved you like the sister i never had." he smiled.
"So did Antonie." i smiled, "I know how much you both loved me."

"The socks were my idea." Louis said out of nowhere. I chuckled while choking on my tears, trying to stay strong for Louis.

Now it's just me and Louis. Time doesn't exist right now, just the wind, rain and silence.
"In another life time, Holly."
"No, Louis."
"i love you" he said before his head falls back.

I cried for months but not out of sadness.
Out of memories, out of happiness.
For Antonie and Louis.

i should start doing a 'chuckle' count because i use that word TOO MUCH when i'm writing these 😭😭