A Collection of Heartstopper Oneshots

I've Got Troubled Thoughts (and the Self Esteem to Match) - annasbookshelf

Summary:

That one night in October when things got really bad.

Charlie has to go to A&E. Nick is there for him.
Notes:

i love u <3 thank u for reading
Work Text:
Charlie has a hard time surviving when the weather begins to get cold.
His mental health was always a little bit rocky, but it became especially prominent during those colder months.
It was early October, and the trees were beginning to get their orangey color to them. There was a brisk chill to the air, which made Charlie feel even more miserable than he normally does. Well, he wasn't miserable all of the time. But a lot of the time he finds himself really fucking sad. He may have the most amazing boyfriend, and it may seem like everything was happy and perfect on the outside, but Charlie feels like he's drowning on the inside. It didn't feel fair to him. This was supposed to be the best years of his life. He had the best relationship he could've even imagined, he's made some of the most incredible friends, and he had a strong relationship with his sister. But everything seemed to be going wrong for Charlie. His mental health had taken a turn for the worst after the Paris trip. He was supposed to be having the time of his life with his boyfriend. When in reality, he came home from Nick's every night and cried himself to sleep. Everything could look fine and happy on the outside, but Charlie knew that he was going to lose himself sooner or later.
He declined so badly after the Paris trip. Everything happened really fast, and Charlie didn't fully understand what was happening to him until it was far too late to stop. When Nick went on holiday is when things got really serious for him. He had promised Nick that he was going to try and talk to his parents about his eating disorder and depression, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. His family didn't have conversations about their emotions. Even when Nick came home and the two of them wrote out a letter to Charlie's parents, the Springs didn't take it seriously. There was a weekend in August where he just laid in bed for two days straight. The only reason he left was to go to the bathroom. The boy didn't even eat or shower; he just chose to rot inside of his bed and feel sorry for himself. Saying "himself" is generous. There really isn't much of a soul left inside of Charlie's body.

Maybe that's how he ended up in his bathroom with blood dripping down his arm. He'd had a really rough day at school, and on top of that he couldn't go and see Nick.
Tears pooled in Charlie's eyes as he looked down at his arm. The cuts he made were far from shallow. In fact, Charlie was pretty sure that he'd accidentally cut into a vein this time. The thought of that panicked him. He was the only one at home tonight. Tori had gone out to a party, and their parents were away for the weekend visiting Jane's family in London.
It wasn't a good idea to leave Charlie alone, but it happened anyway.
Charlie was panicking at this point, realizing that he'd cut himself way too deep for him to just bandage it up. His parents were in London, and the only person that he could possibly call was Nick. Charlie hated bothering Nick with all of his mental health stuff. Even though his boyfriend always said that it wasn't a problem, Charlie always felt like a burden.
He rolled his eyes, looking down at his arm to survey the damage. Charlie immediately began to cry at the sight. He'd completely destroyed his left arm. Tears poured down his cheeks as he noticed how badly he'd hurt himself. He couldn't even see the flesh of his arm because of how bloody and torn up it was.
Charlie grabbed his phone from the bathroom counter, deciding that now was the time to call Nick. Things were getting too bad for him to handle on his own, and he knew that Nick would be there for him in a heartbeat.
"Charlie?" Nick's voice was soft, almost like he had been asleep.
Charlie winced, realizing that he'd seriously inconvenienced Nick by waking him up.
"Sorry..." Charlie whispered, not really knowing what to say in this situation. His hands were shaking, and he was losing more blood by the second. "Sorry..."
"Hey, what's wrong?" NIck's concerned voice rang in his ears. Charlie could see black spots in the corners of his vision.
"Nick..." he groaned, the pain of his arm almost becoming unbearable. "I need you to come get me... we have to go to A&E."
"Charlie, what are you talking about?" Nick was suddenly wide awake. "What have you done?"
Charlie shook his head, continuing to cry. "Use your spare key... I think I'm gonna black out..."
"Hey, don't say that." Nick reassured the man with no response. "Charlie? CHARLIE?!"
Charlie refused to speak anymore, instead hanging up the phone. "I'm so sorry..." he whispered, even though he'd already hung up on Nick. "I'm so fucking sorry..."
He laid on the bathroom floor, the tiles being cool against his hot, bleeding body.
Charlie was afraid to move, waiting for Nick to arrive and help him. He hated being helpless, and he especially hated when Nick had to be the one to fix him. He didn't want to be babied, especially not by his boyfriend. Charlie always thought that he was inconveniencing everyone, but it was even worse when the person he was setting back was Nick.
He'd been going out with Nick Nelson for around six months now, and in those six months Nick had seen him at rock bottom. Yet for some reason, Nick hadn't left him like everyone else had. Nick was one of those people who has stuck by Charlie's side, no matter what sort of tragedy he was going through. He was the type of person that everyone aspires to be like. Selfless, kind, funny, caring, and he has the biggest heart out of anyone Charlie's ever met.
Charlie closed his eyes, allowing himself to feel the pain that was coursing through his body. He thought that this was the way he deserved to live; cutting himself to make sure he knows that he's still alive. Sometimes he can feel so numb that it feels like he doesn't even exist outside of his mind. Yet even when he feels numb, there's always some sort of negative affiliation. He can't be happy about anything, no matter how well things are going.
He hated himself for that, among numerous other things. He felt like there was no saving a soul as damaged as his, which was one of the primary reasons that he was so surprised when Nick showed up for him.
"Charlie." Nick burst through the front door of the house. Charlie heard him, but he was too weak to even lift his head up and call for him. "Charlie?"
Charlie laid on the floor still, too scared to move. He could feel the blood continuing to pour from his arm, but he didn't care. He was too weak to defend himself at this point. All of his survival instincts had gone out the window, leaving him with nothing. He stayed where he was, helpless in this situation.
"Oh my god." he could hear Nick say. "Charlie, what have you done?"
The smaller boy didn't even look at him. He only closed his eyes tighter. He didn't want Nick to have to see him in this state, but Charlie didn't have a choice. He didn't want to die when he cut himself that night. He only wanted to feel the pain that comes with the razorblades. Because sometimes you just have to let yourself bleed to remember that you're still a living, breathing human being. No matter how much of a shell Charlie thought he was, he was still human at the end of the day.
"Hi..." Charlie managed to squeak out as Nick leaned down next to him.
Nick just shook his head, grabbing some tissues from nearby and placing them on Charlie's arm to try and stop the bleeding. Charlie winced in pain as the paper made contact with his bleeding skin, but he allowed Nick to take care of him. He didn't typically allow this type of thing. It was always Charlie taking care of himself. It felt kind of nice to have Nick there to help him this time. Besides, who else would be there to take him to the hospital when his family was an hour away?
"Alright, let's get you out of here, huh?" Nick asked him, gently picking Charlie up bridal style. Charlie's head rolled limply to one side as Nick carried him downstairs. The black haired boy kept the tissues pressed to his arm, as the last thing he wanted to do was get Nick's car dirty.
"Nick, I'm so sorry..." Charlie whispered once he'd been buckled into the car. "I didn't want you to know..."
Nick shook his head, focusing on driving Charlie to the nearest A&E. "You shouldn't have to apologize about how you feel, Charlie."
"Nobody fucking cares about me like you do, you know?" Charlie sounded faint, but he had enough strength to speak. He laughed bitterly. "I didn't even think you'd show up."
"You're joking, right?" Nick asked him, pulling into the emergency department's parking lot. "Charlie, I'll always show up for you."
Charlie shook his head weakly. "You don't have to, you know."
Nick took his non injured hand in his own. "Charlie, you're my boyfriend. And I love you."
"I love you..." Charlie said quietly. "I want to get better, Nick. I just don't know how."
"Well," Nick said, opening the car door. "Let's figure it out together."
"I think I'd like that a lot." Charlie replied, waiting for Nick to get out of the car and open his door, but he didn't.
"I'm not sure how I can make you better." Nick admitted to him, standing outside of the car. "But I can try."
Charlie smiled. "It's not your job to fix me, Nick. I think I need to go to an actual hospital to fix me."
Nick walked around to the other side of the car, opening Charlie's door for him. "We can always check out resources when they're fixing you up, okay?"
"Okay." mumbled Charlie, fumbling with his seatbelt. His left arm was shaking badly, and black spots threatened to consume his vision if he moved any more.
His boyfriend noticed that, scooping Charlie up in his arms. "I got you."
Charlie had a blush on his cheeks. "Thanks."
"Always..." Nick promised, carrying him into A&E.
Neither of them really knew how to make Charlie better, but they had this mutual understanding that going to a hospital that specializes in treatment for this kind of thing could really help Charlie become himself again. It wasn't going to be easy, they both knew that. But they knew that it was in Charlie's best interest that he go to one of these hospitals. Charlie wanted to get better, and Nick wanted him to get better too. They both knew that the road wasn't going to be easy, but they knew that it was something that they could face together. While Charlie had to be the one who did the majority of the work, Nick was always going to be there to support him. The two of them were in love– it was impossible to separate the couple from each other. Nick wanted to help Charlie recover from all of his trauma– he had for a while– but he was waiting for Charlie to make that decision to recover himself. This chilly October night was really what settled it for the both of them.

Charlie needed real help, and Nick was going to be his biggest supporter throughout it all. They were in love, after all.