A Little Bit Human (Erwin x OC)

55: Bedrest

Dried tears clung to Lillian's face. There was nothing better for her to do as she read and reread the books from Eren's cellar. She had been on bedrest ever since they got back from Shiganshina. Lillian thought it was unnecessary, sure it wasn't a good idea to use ODM gear while pregnant, but she didn't think it was that bad. 

Erwin sat on the side of the bed, holding the papers that Lillian had been reading from the books. As soon as they made it back to Trost the books had been copied by scribers so there was more than one copy. Lillian was lucky enough to get one of those copies since she was on bedrest.

"It's not enough time." Lillian cried out, fresh tears falling from her eyes.

"I know." Erwin sighed, he reached out for Lillian's hand. "I always knew I wouldn't reach an old age, but then I got a second chance with the syringe. And now..." Erwin trailed off, looking at his newly regrown right arm. "...now I don't know what to think. It was first a blessing but now a curse."

Lillian's cries turned into sobs. "It's not fair! The universe is taking everyone away that I care about."

"I'm here, Lily." Erwin pulled her into him. "Even if it is only thirteen years." He rubbed small circles into her back as she sobbed in his shoulder. He needed her to relax. The doctor told him that after the recon mission, stress to this degree was the last thing Lillian needed. "At least we get these thirteen years, the worst-case scenario was me dying in Shiganshina and not having any extra time with you."

"No," Lillian pulled her red, puffy, tear-stained face away from him. "If I had been better then none of this would have happened. You would have never lost your arm, and I could have kept you from going to Shiganshina." After knowing how exactly the battle of Shiganshina would go Lillian couldn't deny that they would have all died and lost Eren if Erwin hadn't gone, but she was too in denial.

"It's like you don't listen to me." Erwin tsked. "Don't you remember what I told you all those years back? I told you not to regret your decisions. And although I hate to leave you and our child, I don't regret being with you for one second. I don't regret taking a chance and being your husband. Even if it is just for thirteen more years."

"But you'll still die with regrets."

Erwin put his finger under her chin, gently pulling her head up, forcing her to look up at him. "My only regret is that I didn't have more time to spend with you and our children."

Lillian fell back into him and cried again. Erwin wrapped his arms around her and fought back the tears of his that wanted to fall.

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Erwin shot out of bed, a thick layer of cold sweat covered his entire body. His hand was reaching out for something not there, something he had been dreaming about. Before eating Reiner, he had never suffered from dreams as he's suffering now. He hoped that this would only be temporary and not long term.

A slender hand wrapped around Erwin's shoulders. "Are you ok my love?" Lillian yawned as she asked the question.

"Yeah," Erwin rubbed his eyes. "Just a bad dream."

"A bad dream, or bad memories?" Lillian asked, pressing a soft kiss onto his back. Armin was having dreams about Bertholdt, Lillian could only assume Erwin was too.

Erwin didn't say anything, he shook his head and laid back down. Lillian curled up next to him, resting her head on the same pillow beside him.

"Tell me about it, please." Her hand traced the wrinkles that were starting to show under his eyes.