A Little Bit Human (Erwin x OC)

52: Charge

A/N:

Y'all are gonna hate me. Sorry!

The world shook around them as more boulders were thrown at them. Erwin stood looking down at Captain Levi. All of these lives, the soldiers' lives, the citizens in the walls lives. All their lives were in Erwin's hands, and yet all the Commander could think about was his wife. She was on the other side of the wall, she could be dead for all he knew. She most likely was with the Colossal's transformation. Erwin didn't want to accept it, but it did play a part in his final gamble.

"We've been brutalized. To be honest, it seems like this battle will be where the Scout Regiment gets finished off." Levi said.

"Yes." Erwin's blue eyes looked down past Levi. He had been losing the will to fight for a while, the only two things that kept him going were Lillian and his dream. Before, she was always by his side and his dream was just out of his grasp. Now both seemed so far away, both felt out of his reach. "If we had no way to fight back, then you would be right." And yet despite all his moping, he still came up with a plan.

Levi gasped. "Is there a way?"

"There is."

"You could've mentioned that before." Levi turned his whole attention to the commander. "Care to explain why you kept your shitty mouth shut?"

"The plan could go a few ways. Best case, you'll have a decent chance of killing the Beast Titan. But for it to succeed...the recruits and I have to die."

More boulder fragments hit the wall and houses around them. The recruits meant to protect the horses were cowering, screaming for their lives.

"The Survey Corps may survive. But regardless, most of us will end up dead. Frankly, we're almost guaranteed to be defeated, no matter what. The recruits and I will be staking our deaths on the slimmest chance of victory." Erwin walked past Levi at a slow pace, the captain followed his commander. "For this to work...to convince these youths to charge toward their deaths...it would take an expert con man and a whole slew of blatant lies. If I don't lead the vanguard myself, then none of them will have the courage. Which means I must be the first to charge. And the first to be slain as well. So I'll never learn the truth."

"Huh?" Levi asked. "That's what you're worried about? If you die and leave Lillian, she won't ever forgive you. And she certainly won't ever get over your death."

Erwin sighed as he sat down on an old crate. "I never wanted to leave her, I love her so much. But...she might be dead for all we know, and I just...I really wanted to reach that cellar. Everything I've done up to this point, I've either done for Lillian or in the hopes that a chance like this would come. I dreamt...that I'd get to prove I was right. Many times, I thought that death would've been easier, but then I met Lillian. She reminded me of all the unanswered questions I need the answers to. Those questions are what I live for. And now those answers are no more than a coward's leap away." Erwin dropped his head and took in a sharp breath.

"I'm so close, but... Can you see them, too? Our comrades. They're all standing around us. They've been watching us all this time. They want to know what we did with the sacrifices that they made...what became of the hearts they gave..." More rocks cut through the walls around them. "But that's probably just in my head, right? Of no more import than a child's bad dream."

Levi stared at Erwin, his commander, his brother-in-law. He kneeled in front of the man, just like it had been when they first met. "You led us well. Fought hard. No one else could've gotten us this far. I'll make the choice for you. Give up on your dream and charge to your death. Lead those crying children straight to hell. I'll reach the Beast Titan and tear him apart."

Erwin was surprised, but then his face melted into a smile. "I'm surprised you would say that. I thought you would have me fight harder to stay. I didn't think you hated me with Lillian that much."

"I don't. I wish you would stay for her sake, but you clearly seem ready to die. And you're hoping that by thinking Lillian is also dead that will clear your conscience."

Erwin chuckled softly and sadly. "Maybe you're right." He reached into his shirt and pulled out his ring. "Do me a favor Levi. Give this to her. I hate to leave her, but I can't seem to make myself regret being with her. She was right, I would have regretted it more if I had never been with her. She made me happier than I've ever been." He took the ring off the chain and handed it to Levi.

"Lillian might kill me but ok." Levi took the ring from him and put it in his pocket. 

"Thank you, Levi. For everything. You've always been a brother to me."

Levi wasn't one for saying things like this, but Erwin was about to die so he thought might as well. "I'll admit it Erwin, I too saw you as a brother."

As Erwin and the other Scouts charged towards the Beast Titan there was one thought on the Commander's mind. Without his ring around his neck, he felt so empty, like a part of him was missing. He wondered if that's how Lillian would feel when she found out he was dead.

"Because my soldiers do not buckle or yield when faced with the cruelty of this world!" And yet Erwin wanted to yield, he wanted to go home, he wanted to be in Lillian's arms and her in his.

"My soldiers push forward!" Not only would Erwin never achieve his dream of finding out the truth, but he would also never help Lillian achieve hers. He would never start a family with her. He would never hold their children. He would never see her again.

"My soldiers scream out!" Her silky ebony hair would never run through his fingers again. Her lips would never touch his again.

"My soldiers rage!!!" As the rock hit Erwin and he fell off his horse the last thought on his mind was of his wife and her smile.