Not for a Single Second - [Elizabeth Olsen]

Chapter 39: The calm before the storm

Ain't it funny how it changes
How the future rearranges?
I get nervous or I'm anxious
Maybe loving you is dangerous

Slow It Down – Benson Boone

Lizzie's POV

May 8th, 2022

After hearing Y/N's conversation with her family about marrying me and starting a family with me, I absolutely panicked. And to add to my already stressed state, I received a text from Robbie, telling me that we should meet soon and get back to our regular life.

I really didn't know what to do. On the one hand, I've had the best time of my life this past couple of months with Y/N by my side, but now she wants to take serious steps in our relationship, and I don't know if I could do that. On the other hand, there's Robbie. I admit he hasn't been the best partner to me lately, but we had so many things planned for our future, I can't just forget about them. And between Robbie and Y/N, everyone knows and loves Robbie. They accept him and our relationship, and he's ready to work on us.

All these thoughts kept tormenting my head and I stayed looking out into space for a good time until I heard the front door of the house open, and a lot of noises started to sound downstairs. It seemed Dina was back home as well as Joe and everyone was having an overall good time. I didn't have the strength to join everyone and pretend like I hadn't heard any of what Y/N had very personally shared with them.

About 20 minutes had passed and Y/N hadn't come back. I was starting to get hungry but, yet again, didn't want to go downstairs and face everyone. I kept thinking about what to do. Eventually, I will have to talk to Y/N, and I know that if I pretended to act as if everything was fine, she'll eventually figure out nothing was ok because she knows me that well.

That's when I impulsively decided to start packing my things. I can't be in this house anymore, not when I know what I know and I'm lying to Y/N at the same time. After every memory we've made, especially over the past month and this weekend, there's no way I can face Y/N, fight with her again and possibly lose her.

I grabbed my computer and quickly bought a ticket for the next flight back to LA. Then I decided to just try and go to sleep, so I could avoid thinking anything else about my sudden decision and current life situation. I kept switching positions, trying to actually fall asleep, but failed miserably. That's when Y/N finally came back to the room. I quickly laid on my side, my back facing Y/N. I really didn't want to talk to her, not that I would've known what to tell her anyway.

"Princess, wakey wakey", Y/N whispered in my ear while softly rubbing my back. I couldn't help but want to turn around and cuddle with her. She's always so gentle with me, I don't deserve her. She tried to wake me up a couple more times, but I just pretended to be asleep. "Okay then, I guess I'll join you. Sweet dreams, Lovey. I love you", Y/N whispered again before kissing my cheek and tucking me in. She then got under the covers and moved her arm to hold me so we both could fall asleep.

I couldn't help but feel more guilty about what I was planning on doing the next morning. I ended up waiting until Y/N was completely asleep and soft snores could be heard from behind me, so I could get out of Y/N's hold and sit up on the bed. I was feeling so overwhelmed that I started crying silently in the darkness of the room and for a moment, regret filled my body and the idea of leaving suddenly disappeared.

I kept sobbing with my hand over my mouth and every time I looked to my side and got a glimpse of my sleeping Angel, my heart kept breaking over and over again. Y/N has always been so open and honest with me, and always tells me to talk to her if I have a problem. She also hates lies, and I'm doing it straight to her face. I don't think she'll ever forgive me after finding out what I've been doing to her all this time we've been together.