𝓛𝓮𝓸𝓷 𝓚𝓮𝓷𝓷𝓮𝓭𝔂| ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇꜱ ʙᴏᴏᴋ 4

Take the Man Out of the City, Not the City Out the Man

AN: Inspired by a lyric in the song End of the Beginning by Djo!

 You take the man out of the city, not the city out the man
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A Year After Racoon City...

I take Leon's shaky hand and lead him into the streets of the city. It's been a year since Raccoon City and Leon's only been living with me for a few days, the whole time he's refused to go outside, insisting we can get groceries delivered and food brought to us. I know he's struggling more than he's letting on, I was warned by the government officials who let him finally have some time off from the extensive training that he's on edge and may find it difficult. They want him to begin to integrate back into society, like an injured animal who's ready to be let out into the wild. I've been tasked with supporting him, though I would've done it anyway since we're in a relationship. 

At first Leon seems quiet but okay, I lead him through the traffic and past vendors, we pass bars and restaurants and shops, but Leon shows no signs of wanting anything from them. I swallow back my fears of his strange behaviour and speed up my pace, I know this delicate dance draws a thin line between past and present, the city probably reminds him of Racoon and the future he never got. His once confident walk through the military training corridors now is non-existent as he hesitates with every step, his shoulders are hunched as his eyes scan every single inch of his path around him. I watch as his eyes nervously dart from the shadowy alcoves and dimmer alleyways, the usual shadows probably seem like portals for monsters for him right now. 

I try to keep up his pace, hand tightly clasped in his, like a lifeline tethering him to the here and now, but despite my usually comforting presence doesn't pierce through the fog of fear that surrounds the young man. Leon's constantly plagued with the horrors of losing his friends and the horrors he encountered. All of a sudden the wail of a distant siren pierces the air. Leon stiffens, coming to a sudden and complete stop as he tenses and searches everywhere for the source. It's like he's expecting the end of the world to come around the corner. Leon's grip on my hand tightens as he pales, his breath comes in shallow gasps as his eyes widen, a bead of sweat drips down his face, and I know he's having a panic attack. People behind us grumble and nudge past which doesn't help. 

I pinch my lips together, pulling Leon aside and down a side street where shops would expect deliveries. I notice Leon trying to get hold of himself, but he's past saving himself. My heart pangs for the overwhelming terror he's feeling, it's not fair and he didn't deserve any of this, but wishes don't always come true, and regret doesn't heal wounds, it only makes them bigger. 

"Leon, it's okay, you're safe. We're safe." I murmur, reaching up and cupping his jaw. He nods, trying to understand it, but his mind is still going into overdrive, his adrenaline no doubt has shot up and now he's hearing and seeing too much. He's overstimulated and amidst the sea of panic, he needs saving before he drowns in it. A person turns down the street we're stood in and Leon tenses up further, stepping in front of me as if to protect me. The man gives him an odd look as Leon puffs out his chest and tugs me to his back as if being a shield. The stranger just keeps walking, not looking back, and he's not the threat Leon assumed he was. Leon finally gives in to the panic, he slumps against the closest wall as his body shakes, his breaths come quicker now, almost wheezing as he clutches his chest. He's torturing himself. 

With patient steps I close in on him, kneeling down in front of him as I grab his hands and look into his eyes. He watches me, silently pleading for help as I give him a small smile. "Look at me." I order harshly, enough to shock him. "Focus on me, okay? Nothing is happening, we're not being attacked, the city's a little overcrowded but overall it's safe, okay? There's no outbreak. Our friends are alright-" Another loud siren makes us both jump, an ambulance whizzes past, horn blasting for cars to get out of the way. I curse it as Leon reaches for me, burying his head into my chest as he kneels up, like a scared child. 

"Please," he gasps, his voice barely a whisper, "make it stop."

A sob threatens me as I wrap my arms around him, pulling him closer to protect him from the sounds and views. "It's going to be okay, I promise you're okay." I murmur, as well as some more comforting things that spill from my desperation. Slowly, Leon's breathing begins to steady, his hands release me a little, the panic begins to recede like the tide retreating from the shore. He pulls away, eyes watery and haunted, he looks more drained than afraid now. "It's over, you're not alone anymore, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." I reassure him. Leon nods as I press a kiss to his head before he stands and holds out a hand for me. I take it, a small smile playing on my lips at his determination. He's struggling, but he's refusing to be changed forever. It's going to take a while, but he's refusing to let his past shape him completely. You can take the man out of the city, not the city out of the man. Raccoon will always be a part of him, like a scar over his mind, there but no longer bleeding. 

The next year or so passes in a blur as Leon and I work with his trauma, whilst he's at his military training I take counselling classes and learn about PTSD. When Leon has time to visit me we walk through the city together, exposing him to the sirens that once brought on that fight or flight reaction. We shop like a normal couple and have 'taste testing Thursday's', where we visit new restaurants for down time. He stays in my apartment and helps me redecorate when he officially moves in once his training is over, I give him the experience he missed out on when moving to RC, where we shop for furniture and paint the walls, we buy bedsheets and struggle to put up the bookshelves and we forget to water the plants. It's domestic and healing. It's the end of beginning.