𝓛𝓮𝓸𝓷 𝓚𝓮𝓷𝓷𝓮𝓭𝔂| ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇꜱ ʙᴏᴏᴋ 4

I Paint Flowers So They Will Not Die

I paint flowers so they will not die.

-Frida Kahlo 

Leon has always been the man who faced the darkness so others could live in the light, he's a silent hero that would gladly lay down his life in order to protect people he didn't even know. Some people whisper that he's still trying to be a cop, that working as a government agent is the closest he can come to for living out his dreams, others say he's just doing what is necessary, it isn't like he has a choice in the matter anyway. 

I knew that both whispers were right. 

Leon did still want to serve and protect his country, deep down he still had the loyalties and compassion of a police officer, but he also knew that those days were long behind him, being a government agent didn't give him room to think about right or wrong, Leon had to remain calculated and mindless as he carried out the tasks the government set for him. I could only stand by his side and act as his tether to his old life as he ventured into the unknown and came back with more scars to prove he'd won fight after fight after fight. Leon and I have been together since his early days in the academy, even after Raccoon City and the punishing training he went through becoming an agent, I stuck by his side- and thank God he let me stay. 

"What happened? Did you get hurt?" I ask as Leon stumbles into our shared apartment at two in the morning, he drops his bag with a thud, but the weight remained in his shoulders as his downcast eyes slowly raise to my face. His throat bobs as he stares at me, his once vibrant eyes hollow from some shadow haunting him, Leon's lips part but only a low sound escapes him. I remain strong as I open my arms for him to recharge, but he shakes his head, fists clenching at his sides as silence fills the room. "Leon?" I whisper once more, pleading for him to explain what is going on. 

"I...I couldn't save them. Any of them. I tried, I just wasn't enough-" He suddenly says as if trying to get me to believe him. My eyes widen as he looks at me again, this time I could see that something inside of him has finally snapped, something irreplaceable. Only time and care can heal this wound, but Leon's never been a patient man when it comes to being fine. My lip wobbles as I move first, wrapping my arms around Leon as his shoulders slump, his whole body sags as he melts into me and breaks down. One sob-like noise breaks free as he trembles, I shush him as I snake an arm around his waist and guide him to the bathroom, where I turn on the shower and help him out of his clothes. He doesn't cry, instead of sobbing or wailing he just goes silent. There's not a single noise that escapes him as I strip off his clothes carefully then nudge him into the shower. He doesn't flinch at the warm spray, or listen as I ask him to bend down so I can massage the shampoo into his hair. It's an ordeal getting him clean and fresh, but Leon seems to not even notice. 

"Do you need a drink? Are you hungry? Should I put on a movie or some background noise?" I murmur as Leon gets into bed and lies down, tugging the covers up over him as he turns away from me. I know his regret and pain isn't meant to be aiming for my heart, but it cracks and bleeds anyway. I swallow, making the decisions on my own as we lie in bed for the first time in years without touching each other. I barely sleep, and from Leon's uneven breathing neither does he. Leon's silence only grows as more time passes. I wait for him to come back to me, I let him mumble when he wants and never badger him with questions or explanations, I take on the chores and be as gentle as I can with him, hoping that one day he'll smile once more or pop one of those ridiculous one liners I adore so much. 

Not a peep comes from him though. If anything Leon's mood worsens. He changes his routines, opting to only have showers when absolutely necessary, our touches are few and far between, he begins skipping meals and leaving me for long periods of time only to come back smelling of alcohol. I conquer on, unsure of what exactly my plan is, but I'd rather die than sit by and watch as Leon wastes away before my eyes. I try to make him eat, leaving out small snacks when he works out or emerges from a nap, but they're left uneaten. I try to kiss him, hoping for more, but he ends up pushing me away or turning his head and mumbling something about not being in the mood. I feel myself struggle, but it's when Leon's drinking grows heavier that I realise I have no idea what to do.