Fake or Real ~ Inarizaki

Chapter Fifty

For the next few weeks after the break up Haru had tried to contact you but you ignored every single one of his attempts. As much as you hated Haru, you did regret the way you had handled the break up. You should have sat down and explained to him why you were breaking up with him instead of screaming at him.

"I wanted to talk to you so badly. I wanted to work things out or at least know where your head was at but you refused to even give me that. You take the high road and pretend like I was the only problem but you never once communicated how you were feeling to me. Until you snapped and didn't let me try to fix things." Haru explained.

You wanted to say something back but he was right. You had been terrible with communication with him. Even though he was the asshole, you never stood up for yourself and just let him be an asshole.

"You really think Kita is the right one? I bet you haven't even told him a single detail about our relationship. You are going to absolutely ruin that guy. I may be worse than you, but you damn sure aren't perfect either. When you feel too much emotion you snap and someone is going to get hurt. Do you really think Kita deserves to be that someone?" Haru asked.

"Fuck you Haru. I snapped because you pushed and pushed until I broke. You had to know I was miserable. Every damn thing you said to me was an attack." you replied.

"If that's how you felt you should have fucking said something! And you know, maybe let me say something back. I don't fucking care anymore, why should I keep chasing after you like this? If you are so set on hurting that boy then just do it!" Haru shouted.

He didn't give you an opportunity to respond though as he stormed off back into the gym that still had blinding neon lights flashing and pounding music.

"Damn it!" you yelled in frustration as he left, aggressively slamming your empty water bottle into the recycling bin.

You felt like shit and so conflicted. The scary thing was that for the first time you could see Haru's point of view. The way you handled the break up was terrible and you never once communicated how awful you felt the entire relationship. You knew it wouldn't have really fixed things or made them any better but maybe if you had spoken up you would have gained the courage to leave him sooner.

You weren't ready to go back in to see the others yet. You almost felt like punching the wall but didn't let yourself. What if you and Kita really weren't a good match for each other? You always had thought that he was a little too good.

When you looked up from the recycling bin you locked eyes with Kita's beautiful brown ones. You hadn't realized when he had gotten there but by the look on his face you knew he had heard everything.

"I'm sorry but he isn't wrong Kita. I do snap. I did it to Haru when I broke up with him and I did it to my dad when he got a promotion. I'll probably snap at you at some point." you said.

"Y/n. I'm not worried about that." Kita said softly.

You shook your head. You couldn't handle him being so sweet and understanding right now. "I need to go to the washroom." you said before leaving the hallway. But instead of turning in the direction of the washroom you moved towards the outside. You couldn't breath and desperately needed the fresh air. Maybe Haru was right. Maybe it was only a matter of time before you hurt Kita. That wasn't fair to him. Kita didn't deserve that.

You sat on the step underneath a small roof listening to the rain lightly patter on it for what must have been twenty minutes thinking to yourself. Haru still held so much power over you that you couldn't even have a single conversation with him without questioning everything about yourself.

The last thing you wanted to do was hurt Kita. You just couldn't tell if what Haru was saying was the truth. Would you someday snap at Kita? Was it better to just end it now than let it go on so long that the big fight was that much worse?