ODDS OF LOVE - SEASON 14

Episode 97

" You are not crazy, Lewis," Lynn said firmly as she watched the boy still gripping the arms of his chair. His rounded face was tensed and his grey eyes lowered down still to the floor. " When we dream we are sometimes trying to work out issues within our sleep that we cannot while awake. From what I have heard you say to me I don't think you have completely dealt with the shooting. Have you? "

Lewis looked up at her. " Why should I? It won't change anything. She is still dead. She still shot me. Why.... why did she shoot me? I was always nice to her. I liked her. I really did. Like.... like I do Richie. Only different. Sometimes I like Richie more. Sometimes I don't like him at all but most times I do. But..... Why did she do it ? " He paused and ran his hands down his face. " You want to hear the dumbest thing? I'm glad she shot me. I'm glad it wasn't Richie or Luci or Sol or Mr. Anderson. The people I love. "

" You said you are glad she shot you. You want to die is what I'm hearing you say? Why do you want to die? "

" I don't want to die. I.... I just think it would be better if I died ! It would make everyone's lives better and easier without me. Dad and Nigel could just focus on themselves and Rebecca and.....Niles. Mom could do what she always has without feeling like she has to be a mother. I wish I was never born. "

" Lewis, do you think your parents don't love you? "

Lewis shrugged. " I ... I guess so. Dad doesn't say it a lot but sometimes he does. He says it more to Rebecca and Nigel though. But yeah I think he loves me. And, Mom , she says it a lot but I don't know if I can, you know, trust it from her. I think I believe it more from Dad. "

" So, your parents do say they love you. If they love you do you think losing you to death would hurt them? "

Lewis whispered," I don't know. Yes. No. Maybe. I just don't know. But I don't want to hurt them anymore so I'll try not to hurt myself again. I'll try. "

" This is not the first time you attempted suicide , Lewis. You took pills in England at your boarding school. Your father and grandfather went there to get you and bring you home again. Why did you feel the need to take such a step? "

Lewis closed his eyes and saw the old boarding school. He saw his brother standing there laughing as the other boy hit him again and again. He wanted to cry. How could Niles have turned on him like that? Niles had loved him once. What happened to change that? Why had Niles and Diamond hurt him? Was he just meant to be hurt by everyone in his life? Would Richie end up turning on him and hurting him one day?

He opened his eyes and coolly said," I don't want to talk anymore. I'm going to get my laptop from the office. Time for my classes. "