ODDS OF LOVE - SEASON 14

Episode 112

" Alfred, are you still in bed ? ," Gerald asked as he came into their bedroom briskly. " You're going to be late for work. So am I but I am in charge so. " He laughed heartily but it failed in his throat as he caught sight of his fiancé sitting idly in a chair by the window. Alfred was just sitting there still in his pajamas and bathrobe with his walker beside him. He was staring out of the window with a despairing expression on his face. He looked like he was in pain.....

Gerald quickly hurried over to his side and gently touched him on his shoulder. " Are you alright , my dear teacher ? Do you need me to call the doctor ? " 

Alfred shook his head morosely. He seemed so downhearted that morning. It hurt Gerald seeing him in this particular manner. Alfred was not the king of perkiness but he was also not one to be completely mired within negativity either. For the most part he recognized his own lot in life and tried to move beyond it in so many ways. There was nobody Gerald respected more or admired more than his partner. 

Alfred said faintly , " I'm sorry. I just can't get moving today. I just can't....."

Gerald knelt down and looked at him with questioning eyes. " Are you experiencing any pain ? If you are I think you should go to the hospital. Do you need me to stay home ? I shall if you want me to. "

Alfred shook his head and tried to smile but it wouldn't reach his eyes. " No. No more pain than usual. I'm used to pain. Pain is my life. " He laughed harshly. " And , I don't need to see any doctors. Doctors won't help me. They never have. They can't. Go to work. Get me a sub today. I'll be fine. I'll work tomorrow. I just need to stay home today. "

Gerald suddenly felt frightened. He felt it to his very core of his being. To his soul where Alfred had already moved into so long ago. He reached out to stroke his face tenderly and watched the man close his eyes. He thought of Richard's son Lewis. And , what the boy had did recently. Lewis was deeply depressed. And , he realized with a clenching of his heart , so was Alfred. 

" Alfred........"

Alfred's eyes suddenly snapped back open and they seemed irritated. " I'm not depressed. I'm just tired. I don't want to go outside today and stumble about with people looking at me with pity in their eyes. I just need to stay home one day. I'm not going to do a Lewis. I'm not a teen boy who doesn't know his own feelings. I'm a thirty seven year old man whose just bone deep weary tired right now. Go to work. Call me during lunch. I'll be fine. I love you. You don't need to worry. "

Gerald murmured softly, " I'll never stop worrying about you. "

" I know you won't but I will be fine today. I just.... And , no , I don't need to talk to anyone like Reverend Lynn. Yes , I can read your mind. Just call me Lyle Anderson. Only I don't have dreams." His voice turned wistful. " I used to dream though. When I was a kid I wanted to be a baseball player. I couldn't even move without a mobility device and I wanted to play baseball. I wonder if I would have been good. Probably not. But I'm not planning anything. I was raised Catholic and suicide is a sin. I don't attend mass anymore but you can't escape those teachings , fallen Catholic or not. "

Gerald drew him closer into his arms and breathed deeply into the softness that was Alfred's hair. He reminded himself to find Glory and Andrew before he left. To tell them to remain close to Alfred that day. And , to keep Dodie far away from her brother. The last thing Alfred needed right now was his very troubled sister.