Makenzie Parks
Continued.
~~~
"I'm marrying Camari."
I felt my body go numb. Numb. Here this man stood in my face for the umpteenth time showing me he doesn't give a fuck about me. I didn't feel the need to cry, I'm all cried out at this point. He doesn't love me and he's never loved me.
"Say something...please."
I felt my gaze shift from his eyes onto the ground. I released his hands taking a step back.
"I'm happy for you."
Sha grabbed my hands again pecking the both of them.
"I gotta do something right Makenzie."
"So marrying Camari is the right decision for you? I honestly want to know. What made you decide that she is the one you wanna spend the rest of your life with? You do know that once you sign those papers you're bonded by law and by God. Marriage isn't a joke Shamir, it's serious." I choked out and he let my hands go nodding.
"I...I know." He hesitated.
"Why the hesitation? When you're in love with someone there's no hesitation. You do understand that right?" I asked and he had no response.
He wiped his face nodding his head.
"I understand."
"Do you though?"
"I just..."
I fell into complete shock watching Sha burst out into tears. It scared me, watching his nonchalant face go straight to hurt. Without hesitation I clung to him like never before. He hugged me back sobbing onto my shoulder which made me tear up myself. I've never seen Shamir this vulnerable, whatever it is definitely is bothering him.
"Shamir look at me."
He continued crying onto my shoulder though, he wouldn't lift his head from my neck.
"Shamir please, tell me what's wrong." I cried feeling his body fall limp. His weight was too much for me to handle, and we slowly fell back onto the concrete in front of my car. It wasn't dark out, and I know deeply Sha doesn't like people seeing him like this. I just couldn't make sense of what was happening right now.
"I can't go home," Sha choked out, "my brother not there man...he not there."
"I know," I cried, "I know baby."
"I know I ain't perfect, but damn what did I do to deserve this?" He asked and I couldn't even say anything.
"Come on." I pulled myself from the ground, "You gotta get up off the ground. Let's get in the car please Sha...let's move this somewhere more private okay?"
I used all my strength, which wasn't much, to pull him off the ground. I opened the backseat to Camari car helping him get inside. I pushed him over getting in beside him before closing the door. I grabbed his face making him look me in the eyes. Bloodshot red full of tears, he didn't even seem like he was here.
"Talk to me."
He just sat silently letting the tears fall down his face. I wiped every single one of them. I felt so bad for him, words couldn't explain how much cared about this man.
"I know Q is gone...and I hate that you couldn't see him off. He's in a better place now, and he wouldn't want you here crying over him. He'd be cracking jokes about you crying and you know that." I tried to lighten the mood.
"But even that wouldn't make me stop these tears ma." Sha voice cracked, "I walked in my house and just couldn't breathe...all my air went away it was so thick. Couldn't make it past the living room, all I keep thinking about is him talking to me before he passed."
