One of the Boys 1 & 2 (Published by Pop Fiction)

Chapter Twenty Five

Chapter Twenty Five

Present

Laetificate

Couldn't we get any more awkward? I didn't think we could. Hiyang hiya ako hindi dahil sa ginawa namin, pero dahil sa pag-iwan niya. He made me look like I was the one who asked for it. He made me feel like I was the only one who liked it. Crap. What a crappy life.

When he looked at me 'that' way, I got disgusted with myself. When he left me, I felt horrible. When he didn't come back, he made feel so embarrass that I couldn't even look at him. I didn't know how to face him. As much as possible, I wanted to avoid him, but I still wanted him to talk to me... or not. Hindi ko na alam. Gulung gulo na ko.

"Sup?" Sean asked, sitting beside me. Nasa psychiatric department na ako ngayon kaya nga hindi ko alam kung ba't nandito siya. Minsan, dumadalaw yung mommy niya at isasama niya ko. At dahil si Apa naman talaga ang pinupunta ng mommy niya dito, magkakasama kaming tatlo.

Isang beses pa nga, pinag-usapan nila si Lizzie at kung gaano ka-excited yung mommy ni Sean na umuwi siya sa Pilipinas para mag double date kami. If I could kill Sean, I really would. Ugh!

Hindi ko naman kasi siya hinayaan manligaw, pero ang sabi pa rin niya sa nanay niya, ako ang nililigawan niya. Akala tuloy ng nanay niya, malapit ko na siyang sagutin, which was not the case. Malayo sa realidad. Kaya lang ako sumasama dahil alam ko nararamdaman niya.

"Mortified," I answered honestly. I was more than mortified. Wala naman nakakita nun at walang nakaalam, pero 'yun na ang pinakanakakahiyang nangyari sa'kin sa buong buhay ko. Walang wala yung pag-ihi ko sa salawal noong elementary ako dahil natatakot ako sa teacher ko magpaalam.

"You're too honest," he said, amused. "Why? Is this about Yuki again?"

"Sort of." I shrugged.

Wala naman kasi talaga akong pinaglalaban. I knew from the start that Apa and I were just friends, but for Pete's sake, he was the one who initiated the kiss! I just kissed him back. He was the one who carried me to his bed. I was just reciprocating his actions and their intensity.

I wasn't dumb and I knew we were both at fault. However, he should at least had the decency to come back, so we could talk it out properly, but he didn't! Until now, we weren't talking and it was making me furious. He couldn't look at me, either. Maybe he was feeling the same.

Pakiramdam ko, ako ang nanghahabol and I hated feeling this way. Kahit gaano ko pa siya kamahal na kahit anong gawin niya, kaya kong patawarin, sana naman alam niya nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Sean asked me to drink with him later, but I couldn't and wouldn't. Ayokong maulit yung nangyari noong gabing 'yun, but I bet kung mauulit pa 'yun. Ugh. Parang kahit anong gawin at sabihin ko, bumabalik pa rin kay Apa at sa gabing 'yun. I just wanted the memories to stop mind-fcking me.

Kahit madaling araw na at hilong-hilo na ko 'nun, I still went back to the dorm. Buti na lang, nakita ako ni Sean who willingly brought me home. Naabutan ko pa nga sila Zoe at Ygona na may ginagawa. I caught them almost having sex, pero patay malisya lang ako at humiga sa kama. I was too drained to even react. Kaya pala hindi na bumalik si Ygona kasi nauna na siya sa'kin sa dorm.

"How about an ice cream? My treat." I appreciated Sean. Seriously. He was doing everything to make me feel comfortable and relax. Hindi niya ako pinipilit pag ayaw ko, pero hindi rin niya nauubusan ng offers. Drink, dinner date, ice cream, and anything that could light me up and make me forget. If it wasn't for Apa, he would definitely have a chance.

"Cup or cone?" I asked.

Sean laughed at my question. "Does it matter?"

"Yes."