One of the Boys 1 & 2 (Published by Pop Fiction)

Chapter Twenty Seven

Chapter Twenty Seven

Present

Magnanimous

When two people found each other again after a long, long time, the thought and fear of losing them again was inevitable kaso iba ang kinakatakot ko. Syempre, natatakot akong mawala si Apa, pero mas natatakot ako na pag nawala siya, mawala ulit sarili ko.

In the past, I wasn't prepared to lose him. Hindi ko kaya dahil ang dami na ng nawala sa'kin kaya noong nawala siya, pati ako, nawala na rin. Ngayon, mawala man si Apa, sobrang masasaktan ako, pero alam kong kaya ko. Kakayanin ko.

People might think I was being pessimistic, but I had lost a lot of people. I had lost myself a lot of times and it was the worst thing ever. It was terrible that I became so miserable. Ayoko na ulit mangyari 'yun. Of course, I didn't want to lose him again. I just wanted to be... prepared.

Hindi ko lang alam kay Apa, pero naniniwala ako sa sinabi niyang he was stronger than what I thought. I was really proud when he told me his identity wasn't his problem anymore. It was pleasing to know that he was done blaming himself and it wasn't his fault that his mother died. It wasn't his fault why Nico died. Not everything was his fault.

However, it saddened me that he thought he was unworthy of me. Alam kong mataas self-confidence niya, pero pag dating sa'kin, hindi. Hindi niya man sinasabi, pero nakikita sa mga galaw at mata niya. I was sure he still felt guilty dahil sa nangyari dati sa aming dalawa.

It broke my heart, because he thought not everything was his fault when clearly, none of it was his fault. He shouldn't blame himself for anything. I broke up with him for us. I broke up with him for him. Nagguilty pa rin siya dahil iniisip niyang puro pasakit at lungkot lang ang dala niya sa'kin.

But he was wrong. Masaya ako pag kasama siya. Nalulungkot lang ako tuwing nawawala siya. If I could stop him from feeling that way, I definitely would. I would do anything to remove all his uncertainties.

Ngayon naman, alam kong nagiguilty siya dahil kila Liz and Sean. Isang beses nga, tumawag si Liz. Nakatitig lang siya sa phone niya at hindi sinagot ang tawag. Si Sean naman, tuwing nandiyan yung mommy niya, Apa would build him up and tell his aunt how great his son had become.

Kahit na alam niyang makakasakit siya, he still chose me. He chose us. Minsan nga, iniisip ko kung minulto ba ni Uncle Julius si Apa kaya bigla siyang nag decide na balikan ako.

"Iniisip mo bang minulto ako ni Uncle kaya binalikan kita?!" Natatawa-tawa niyang tanong.

I smiled. "Medj. Paano mo nalaman?"

He laughed harder, hugging me behind my back. Nakatayo ako ngayon, kumakain ng noodles sa kitchen counter niya. Naglalaptop lang siya kanina tapos ngayon, nasa likod ko na siya. "Lakas ng boses mo." Sht. I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. "What else goes on in your pretty mind, pretty girl? I want to know."

I turned around, then looked at him with an apologetic look. Tinuro ko temple ko. "Sorry, pero wala ka dito." I tapped his shoulder, comforting him.

"Stop, I might believe you," he said playfully. He carried me to the counter beside my bowl of noodles, holding my hands and kissing them.

I laughed, wrapping my hands around his neck. "Yep, wala ka talaga dito."

Apa and I were doing really well. We were always busy, pero pag may time, he would text me. Hindi pa rin siya nakakalimot mag 'good morning', 'good evening', and 'don't forget to smile'.

Mas busy na kami at magkaiba pa kami ng department sa hospital kaya tanggap namin kung hindi kami laging nag-uusap. Minsan, pag tapos ng duty ko, ihahatid niya ako sa dorm namin o sa condo niya.