The misadventures of a Main Character [Complete]

VI - Stolen fish'n'chips

"Alas," Buttercup whimpered. "When I was but a young lass, some bloke beat my Pops nearly to death, then ate all the bloody fish and chips and flushed my cat down the loo!"

"I think you're grasping at stereotypically British straws," Main said.

"Shut up, you wanker! Tell me your bloody backstory!"

"Do the British really say 'bloody' that much?" Main ate the tail off the cat. "After my family died, I was abused by a mysterious benefactor. But then I fell in love with them. But then they died. Then I was selected as the chosen one, but I failed and everyone died because of it. After that, a bunch of other cliche stuff happened to me, and now I'm here!"

*

The sound of out-of-tune strumming pierced the air. "I'm sorry," Buttercup said, "for what you've been through, and also that my lute sounds awful. It never did sound the same after I brained you with it."

"Like a dying cat," Gregory said, as he picked a pair of ribs clean and added them to his growing pile.

"It's bloody interpretive," Buttercup glared. "Besides, I'm a student in debt. I can't even afford to tune my own instrument."

"You could if you became my first evil minion," Main said. he produced a tuning fork from his (until now not mentioned) rug-sack. "What do you say?"

*

Buttercup regarded the tuning fork with immense bumfuzzlement. "Egads! What a mighty fine tool you got in yer hands. Guess I got no choice. How's about the twos of us go on a journey or whatnot?"

"Weren't you British?" Main asked.

"Sally forth and tally ho!"

"What language is that?!" Main gave up on understanding Buttercup. Obviously Bard's college had fried her brains. He decided to make her a scarf out of the remains of the dead cat.

"Wear this with pride, minion."

"Like hell."

"Fair enough."