The misadventures of a Main Character [Complete]

LVIII - Reunion

With all the false entrances and ridiculous twists so far, he didn't dare to hope. Main turned around slowly. "Buttercup?"

Buttercup stood awkwardly in her wedding dress, purple ringlets cascading around her face. Main thought his heart would explode. She was alive!

"I almost didn't recognize you; you look older," she said. "Why are you so covered in blood?"

Main looked down at the puddle of red ground below him. "I guess that happens when your adventures don't get updated for seven months." He swayed, and gazed meaningfully at the wall.

"Yes, well. I'm glad you're okay. Greg's been looking for you." She tore a strip off her dress, and  quickly bound his bloody hand with it. 

Main gasped in indignation. This wasn't the heartfelt reunion he'd been expecting! Where were the flames of passion he was entitled to? "I look older?! I defied all-known biological aging principals and the time-space continuum just to be here. Aren't you going to ask where I've been for all these years?"

"Years?" she frowned. "Main, it hasn't even been a fortnight since I saw you last." 

He felt like he'd just been slapped. "Are you sure?"

"Fairly certain."

That couldn't be right. Main grabbed her wrist, almost without thinking "You're in danger and we need to get me wasted. I'm here to stop myself from murdering you!"  He produced a piece of her bloodied wedding dress, and brandished it at her. "See?"

She frowned and shook her head. "This is the preparation montage."

*

The scene shifted suddenly, to a bakery. Robin Snood was testing cakes at the counter. Disorientated, Main spun around to find Buttercup, an involuntary gasp escaping his lips.

  Staring back at him, eyes confused and beautiful blonde curls hanging near her chest (Main tried to remember if her hair had always looked like this), was Buttercup.  

"Preparation montage?" he protested. "You aren't about to marry Blunderstinck? But... that means you won't be killed for at least another four years and five months!"

"What?" Buttercup yanked her hand away, pursing her lips. 

"There's no time to explain, woman! Get me some whiskey! We need to stockpile."

"Main, stop!" Buttercup waved her hands like she was calming a spooked horse. "Calm down, you're making even less sense than usual. Come on, we have an engagement dance to get to."

The scene swirled again, but thankfully the irritating music had ceased. His head swirled. Main groaned, getting desperate. He held the old piece of cloth up to the light, in scrutiny. Curses. It looked suspiciously familiar to the one Buttercup had just wrapped around his hand. Maybe a little dancing wouldn't hurt, but he couldn't forget his mission. Saving Buttercup was most important.