The misadventures of a Main Character [Complete]

XXIV - "Skipping only works for cutscenes!"

"Sir?"

The shadowy figure frowned at the panting man who'd approached him."What?"

"We just received word that-" the man gulped. "-the hero approaches."

"That 'hero'?" The figure rose to his full -five feet, two inches of- height. "Let him come. I'll be ready for that scoundrel."

That said, the mysterious plot-advancing character strode off into the night, his black cloak billowing in the breeze.

*

Troll country was actually rather pleasant, Main thought. The roads were winding, but empty of bandits. The sun was harsh, but it hardly ever braved through the roiling grey clouds. And though un-dead fan-girls patrolled on ride-on lawn mowers, they announced their presence with dis-proportionally loud motors. It was simple to take cover behind a tree, until the motor sounds faded away.

Despite the bleak sunrise, an uneasy silence had swept over the land.  "Halt, steed," Main announced.

Bevan ceased to clap the coconuts together. In front of them stood a lone table, laden with goods, on a grassy knoll. Main approached the table.

"I don't like this," he declared, as he loaded his bag up with the various food items and ammo.

"Why not?" Bevan asked, rubbing at his blistered palms.

Main gestured to the table. "This stockpile of stuff means only one thing: we're about to enter a dangerous area, or mini-boss battle. Keep your wits about you, steed."

*

Bevan swallowed anxiously. "We're not going to die, are we?"

Main shoved a few suspicious potions into his magic knapsack. "There's only one way to find out," he muttered. "Are you with me, squire?"

"Well-" Bevan cleared his throat. "We could always...you know, skip the boss battle."

"Skipping only works for cutscenes, not actual boss fights! Geez, get with the times, Bevan!"

*

Bickering constantly, they passed the table, and didn't notice that they had come across a circular clearing. A shadowy figure jumped out at them.

Neither of the pair noticed the sudden magical appearance.

"Ahem!" the short figure said.

"Bevan!" Main yelled. "You can't just assume anything like that. You didn't even ask me."

"But - I tattooed your face on my chest! What did you think it would mean?!"

"Geez. Not that. I was thirteen!"

The cloaked figure grew impatient. "STOOOPP!!!" he hollered, sending a black shock-wave of energy at the duo.