The misadventures of a Main Character [Complete]

X - "Wuv... twue wuv..."

Their leader drew near Harry, frizzy hair framed her face. Her glasses were steamed. "I am Helena Stylinson, and you will marry me."

Harry gulped. "I bet you don't even have a priest."

"That's where you're wrong." she said. "We keep a priest around for moments like this."

"Ahahah." Justin mumbled. As one of the three personalities of Gregory, he was scheming.There were no moose in the vicinity, and other means of escape were necessary. If only he could convince the girls to bury all three of his bodies together, he could become proper and troll-ish again.

*

"Certainly, hero!" The messenger pulled a pen and paper from out of nowhere, and sketched a perfect map in ten seconds. "Voila! Follow this and you will arrive in no time!"

"Perfect!" Main cheered, taking the map from the messenger. "Come, steed! We shall smite thee!"

Buttercup bludgeoned Main with her lute. "Call me a steed again, I DARE YOU."

"Mmprhhp," Shawn said plainly. It was worth a try, right?

Harry looked around wildly for said priest, who magically appeared out of nowhere.

"Wuv...twue wuv..." he began.

Harry started to cry again.

*

"My feet hurt," Main whined. "And I don't think the cat is agreeing with my stomach."

"Serves you right for eating it," came her reply. She was tuning her lute as they walked, soft twangs filled the night air. "So what's the plan?"

Main pointed to the map, and scribbled down his top three ideas, including iocane powder

"You're an idiot," she sang. "I-d-i-o-t. We're going to die, ain't we?"

They neared the camp, and hid in the bushes. Main pulled out his slingshot. "Be smited!" he whispered,  aiming at the fan-sentry.

"You should wear her clothes," Buttercup said. "You might be able to pass as a girl if you stuff a bra."