The misadventures of a Main Character [Complete]

XV - "The Senior Citizen's salsa club need male dancing partners..."

"Geez. You had already had a sob story about how your parents died, remember?" Buttercup flipped her blonde hair dramatically.

"Oh yeah," Main said, growing somber. "Hey, if you have a palace, why don't we rob it? We can use the funds to buy an army!"

Snood's men began splitting the spoils of the battle at Gregory's command. 

Buttercup frowned. "My fathers put me through Bards College. When I didn't become mega-famous, the entire kingdom was bankrupted; the only thing left is to marry me off to some rich lord. He risks his life for bad pay just to feed our people... and I ran away!" She wiped a tear that was smudging the splattered blood around her face.

*

"He sounds like a huge jerk!" Main gasped. "No wonder you ran away! But at the very least, all of this means you and me are inevitably going to be a couple, right?"

"Ew, what do you think this is? A cliche fantasy story?"

"Well, a parody of one, at least."

Buttercup sighed, her brown hair hanging in tight curls near her chin and blatantly ignoring her character details. "Never mind, Main. Just don't let me anywhere near Snood, alright?"

"As you wish," Main Wesley'd.

*

Robin Snood snapped his fingers, and his men sprinted over, grinning wildly. He produced a ring binder, filled with pieces of parchment. "Alrighty men! Let's see where we're going next!"

They gathered at his feet.

"Hmm.." Robin Snood-ed. "There's so many quests here. There's a hell-beast devouring all of known time and space, curiously frequent red lightning storms, oh, and the Senior Citizen's salsa club need male dancing partners."

"Dancing!" his gang cheered.

"A worthy quest!" Robin decreed.

After some intense staring, they sprinted off into the distance, dragging the sack of heads behind them.