The misadventures of a Main Character [Complete]

XLVIII - "Get your priorities straight; you're in a fight sequence."

Main took a step back, his hands shaking. "No!" he shot out. "I will save Buttercup! I have to! I have to go get her back. You son of a-"

"Main," Helena interrupted. "Get your priorities straight; you're in a fight sequence! You can have a mental breakdown later! Don't you have a sword or something?"

Main slapped his face in his hand. "I left it at the cottage," he muttered.

"What? Seriously?!"

"I was drunk, lay off me!"

Humperdinck suddenly sliced at Main's throat, and he jumped back, surprised.

"No more running, Macgyver!" the Prince shouted. "Fight me, oh great hero!"

"I'm not even a hero!" Main blurted. "I never wanted to do good things, I never wanted to save Kingdoms or whatever. All I ever wanted was..."

Humperdinck regarded him coldly.

"All I ever wanted was Buttercup," Main finished with a sigh.

Helena awkwardly patted his shoulder.

*

Without warning, a golden glow emanated from Main chest. "What's going on?" he shouted, slapping at his chest. Was he hallucinating? 

Humperdinck used Main's confusion as an advantage, and lunged at him. 

Helena jumped onto Humperdinck's back, redirecting the Prince's death blow. The blade sliced off three of Main's fingers, spurting blood into the air.

"Why am I glowing?" he cried, cradling his injured hand. 

"I think you've reached a significant point in your hero's journey," Helena said. "It's Buttercup: she's the purpose of your journey!"

Prince Humperdinck reared backwards, slamming Helena into the wall.

"But I don't want to be a hero," Main protested.

"Have you really ever had a choice, Main? Everything is at the will of Authoris. You'll have to be heroic one more time."

Main reached for a weapon. His remaining attached fingers wrapped around an item. A compass. He unleashed a deathly battle cry and threw it at the prince, striking him in the forehead.