The misadventures of a Main Character [Complete]

XIII - No wonder they just call you Main!

Main sighed. "I dunno, I would have liked some more babes, to make me look manlier."

"They're delicious," Gregory shrugged, "so no regrets here."

"But," Main began, "people might think I'm a hero, you know? And now it'll be even worse since I took out the fearsome Fan Brigade."

"Hey! We did most of it!" Buttercup said.

"Silence, peasant!"

*

Gregory began to deflate his extra heads, mushing them back underneath the thick, dark hair that covered his body. "She's right, you know. You have really terrible aim."

"You can't gang up with her!" Main exclaimed. "I'm the villain, sort of!"

There was a rustling in the bushes, suddenly, a gang of stylishly dressed men leapt out.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" their leader yelled.

Gregory looked up guiltily. He removed a fangirl's corpse from his mouth, and placed it back on the ground.

Buttercup took one look at the curiously well-groomed men, and slipped behind the troll.

Main turned to face them. "Who are you exactly?"

"I am Robin Snood!" their leader proclaimed, gesturing to the forest-green accessory around his neck. "-and you just stole our quest." He shoved a piece of parchment in Main's face.

*

Main exchanged a look with Gregory.

Suddenly, our hero(?) leapt to his feet, smirking from ear to ear. "Yes! I did steal your quest! For I am the fearsome villain: Macqyver Andrew Ignes Nevermore Catharty Haberdeen Astrophy Regali Andre Capper Terrence Edendale Rectimine, the seventh of his name!"

A thunderous silence filled the smoking ruins of the Fan Brigade camp.

"Is that your real name?!" Buttercup muttered quietly. "No wonder they just call you Main!"