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The misadventures of a Main Character [Complete]

Humor

***Previously Wattpad Featured Story*** Meet your run-of-the-mill protagonist: Main Character. In this fantasy (spoof) of an epic adventure, Main embarks on a quest to conquer the world, guided only by the words of a drunkard, and a bolt of red ligh...

#absurd #adventure #antihero #apocalypse #avantgarde #breakthecliches #character #comedy #endoftheworld #fanfiction #fangirl #fantasy #fourthwall #funny #harrystyles #humor #main #nemesis #nomorecliches #parody #quest #satire #timetravel #troll #villain

XXVI - "Why couldn't this have been a nice, normal story?"

259 45 13

by Wolfwhistle

by Wolfwhistle

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Main waved his hands, trying to deflect Nemesis' accusations. "I don't even want this, man. I just want to take over the world."

"What?!" Nemesis looked shocked. "...And they still chose you to be protagonist?"

"Yeah, well, I mean... I guess it was time to crush some cliches. Hey! You should join me; I'm short on evil minions right now. Nemesis! Join me on the side of evil."

"I'll never join you!" Nemesis protested. "I can't give up my quest until we have a epic battle during which a side character dies, and when I'm nearly dead, you tell me something about my dead father!"

Main groaned. "Why couldn't this have been a nice, normal story?"

"Because that's boring! Time to face a real hero. Smite me, Main! If you dare!" Summoning his energy, Nemesis fired another magic shock-wave.

Main and Bevan fled the shock-wave.

Main tripped on his untied laces. The energy wave knocked him to the ground. "Oh come on Nem - I just want to destroy the troll king!"

"But that's a hero's quest - for a protagonist! You stole my story!" Nemesis screeched, sending another flurry of bolts in Main's direction.

Main rolled over, avoiding the attacks. "I'm no hero. It's vengeance Nem! Vengeance.The troll king has to pay; he killed Buttercup!"

The energy waves stopped. "What did you say?"

"I said: I want to kill the troll king!" Main crawled towards his sword, which had fallen, conveniently, just out of his reach.

Nemesis kicked him away from his weapon. "No, no, no," he taunted. "This is tragic. You've got it all wrong." He raised his hand, summoning a purple ball of death-ray gloop. "The truth is, Buttercup was killed by-"

A spray of bullets broke out across Nemesis' chest. Bevan dropped the AK-47 shakily.