The misadventures of a Main Character [Complete]

XVIII - "It doesn't matter; they're stinking rich!"

"Inconceivable!" Buttercup gasped. "How did you find me?!"

Robin Snood shrugged. "Oh, I just listened for the sounds of complete and utter betrayal and followed those."

"Are you just a raging machine of references or something?"

"Anyway," Snood continued, "you are a princess, Buttercup, and your kingdom is completely broke. Obviously, you have to embark on a whole princess training montage now, so you can marry an old man you don't love! Sounds like fun, right?"

*

The Bard glanced around in confusion, as pulsing, inspirational music began to fill the air. "No! We aren't doing this!"

"But we've already cut to a scene of you getting your ballgown fitted," Snood said, holding a piece of white lace up to the light.

"We can't afford this!" she protested, as the scene cut abruptly to an apothecary. Buttercup drank three vials of a vile green potion and her hair sprouted back, purple ringlets cascading down her back.

"It doesn't matter; they're stinking rich! You can marry in a white tee-shirt and converse if you really want, but it's a montage: we are contractually obliged to change scenes quickly, to show a passing in time."

Buttercup had gone very pale. "Ugh. I feel sick." She thought she saw a blurry half-image of Main. "Main? Where-"

*

Main squinted into the distance. He swore he'd just seen Buttercup. He wiped the sweat off his brow, and looked up into the azure sky. Large words were hanging above him, suspended in the air like silver clouds. "Seven years later," he mouthed. "What the hell?!"

*

He lost his balance but scrambled back to his feet, dusting the sand off his trousers. "Seven years?" he muttered. "Seven years!? How long was I unconscious?"

Seven years, his brain reminded him.

"Oh yeah. Thanks. But anyway, where's Buttercup and Gregory? I could have sworn I just saw them..."