The misadventures of a Main Character [Complete]

XIV- "Words don't travel on paper, do they?"

Robin Snood continued rubbing the parchment in Main's face. Black ink began to splotch his face, similar to the blood that splattered Buttercup's.

"My dear Macgyver Andrew, these fan girls had a massive Heroes Bounty on their heads," Snood explained with flapping hand gestures. "We were going to donate the proceeds to the poor." His green-eyed gaze shot to Gregory in disgust. "Will you stop eating them?! We get paid by the head. You are literally eating money!"

Main shuddered. "Heroes Bounty?" Dear lords it had happened again. "No! I don't want any Heroes Bounty. I'm evil; I'm trying to conquer the world!"

*

Gregory and Robin Snood began to argue about the fan-girl heads. "But the skulls are the best bit!" Gregory complained. "Why should you get to keep them?"

Robin tugged anxiously at the snood around his neck. The hairy, troll creature was at least three times his height. "We're donating their bounty to charity. That's what heroes do."

"You tell him, Robin!" his posse said, snapping their fingers.

"You can eat their bodies," Robin offered.

In the commotion that followed, Main peered behind Gregory. Buttercup was still hiding. He shuffled behind the troll too. "Hey, why are you avoiding Robin Snood and his gang?" he whispered.

Buttercup crouched even lower. "Shhh! Main! They're literally a meter away from us."

"But I'm whispering. Really quietly!" Main insisted. "Besides words don't travel on paper, do they? Why are you hiding?"

*

Buttercup peeked around Gregory's frame, then quickly hid again, realizing Snood was looking almost right at her.

"Because... Robin Snood is my father!" she hissed.

"I thought you were an orphan. Wait, or was that me?" Main said. "The plot points of this story are really messed up."

Buttercup cursed under her breath. "If he sees me, he'll make me go back to the palace!"

"The palace?"

"Well yeah! I'm the obligatory secret-princess-in-disguise, plot-twist character!"