The misadventures of a Main Character [Complete]

XXXV - "Get the dictionary, or an eraser! Hurry!"

Main picked up Mr. Trotter and swung him around his shoulders, out of harm's way. The Typo continued to follow them. Main leaped up onto a bookcase. The Typo began thumping against it mindlessly, but did not seem intelligent enough to make the climb upwards. They were safe. For now.

He sighed. "Isn't there some relevant exposition you can fill me in on?"

"I don't know! I'm not the explanatory character!" Helena said. "All I know is that information always comes in threes around here. I can tell you that it started when the Auto-Correct button was stolen, seven years ago."

"-And I can tell you it's weaknesses," Mr. Trotter supplied, oinking.

Main threw the pig across the room. "You can talk?!"

Trotter squealed, as the Typo began chasing him. "Get the dictionary, or an eraser! Hurry!"

The front door was knocked off its hinges for the second time in fifteen minutes. "Main! I'll save you!" yelled a third, overly-familiar voice.

*

"What?!" Main looked around wildly. That had sounded an awful lot like..."-Buttercup?!"

"What?! Ew, no! I'm Fangirl Sentry #2, geez!" She threw a dictionary at Main's face, and he tumbled off the bookcase with an audible thump. Groaning, Main lifted the heavy book.

"Now what?!" he yelled.

"Close the book on it!" Mr. Trotter oinked. Main dove at the mighty Typo, snapping the book shut around its squirming redness. It froze, twitched, and slowly flaked onto the ground like decaying newsprint. The scene reminded him of a nightmare he'd had about a guy named 'Mouldy Mort' whose face had melted off.

 Main sighed in relief. "Now that that's over...what the heck is going on?"

*

"Well, firsts of awl, you shood read my first fanficc about Hazza!" the fangirl gushed.

A second Typo materialized out of nowhere.

"Sentry, no!" Helena begged. "Stop talking!"

"Don't like, don't be redings, you pleb," the fan-girl said, who continued her rant loudly, and with no care for spelling, grammar, or pronunciation.

The squiggly line grew in size, getting larger and more ominous with each poorly constructed sentence. It sprouted wings, legs, and a hateful, crimson eyebrows. Before Main could body-slam it with the dictionary, it was almost as big as the Sentry herself.  

 "I could really do with a fourth piece of information right now!" Main said, panicking.

"Run away? It's allergic to water? I don't know!" Helena wailed.

The Typo growled, deeper than the thunder rumbling overhead; even the fire shied away from its warning. Then it launched itself at Fan-girl Sentry #2.