The misadventures of a Main Character [Complete]

LXV - Burn

 All eyes shot to the worrying re-appearance of the Princess. Prince Humperdinck gaped at Buttercup, his mouth completely slack-jawed beneath his drawn-on mustache.

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" she sang, moving in his general direction.Small red sparks were leaking into the ground where she stepped.

As her voice wavered through the air, Main winced, five years hadn't improved her general tone-deafness. He slipped through the portal after her. His reappearance was noted only by Bevan, who waved awkwardly as he fled from the massive Typo. The Typo cornered Bevan, and began to close its tree-branch sized claws around him. Bevan cowered.

Thinking quickly, Helena pulled a ukulele out from Main's discarded backpack, and strummed along, adding her voice to Buttercup's: "Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,"

Entranced by the sonnet, the Typo's jagged red claws stopped curling around Bevan. In its stupor, Bevan slut-dropped to the ground and rolled to safety. He joined in on the tune, building a deep oaky harmony. 

*

Main wondered when his friends had become so cultured as the other Typos succumbed, dropping to the ground like docile, carnivorous sheep.

Buttercup raced up to the front of the hall, her eyes wide, lilac ringlets bouncing against the back of her sweeping wedding gown. She stopped in front of the Prince.

"Buttercup?" the Humblberstick asked.

"Humber," Buttercup greeted him. "Where are your clothes?"

The Prince grimaced, and pointed towards Main and Helena. "They appropriated them."

"We don't have time for this," Main insisted, stepping forward. "Who stole whose clothes is the least of our worries."

The underwear-clad Prince and recently-married Princess embraced. The crowd "Aww~"-ed. Main felt icy shards puncture his heart. How could she chose the Prince after all he'd done for her?

"I-uh, missed you," Humperdinck said insincerely, before adding: "Darling."

She drew away, and latched her icy gaze onto him. "You were planning to have me killed."

"Uh- Well, you see," he floundered. "Your gaze is giving me frostbite right now, sweetie. Shouldn't we let bygones be bygones?"

The sonnet ended, the strum of a ukulele hung on the air.

"Shall I compare you to a summer's day?" Buttercup said, her voice reverberating around the hall. She frowned. "I thought you were the sun, but you're just skin cancer."

The burn was so great that Humperdinck was blown several feet backwards. 

Main took the opportunity to stick out his foot. The Prince tripped, and careened into the biggest Typo. There was a significant explosion. Both the Prince and the largest Typo disintegrated. Red streaks shot across Main's vision. Helena started up the sonnet again, in a canon this time,  to stabilize the smaller typos.

"Come on," Main shouted, ignoring climatic, spectacular demise of the Prince. "We need to Pied-Piper-of-Hamelin these things up to the library. We'll need a dictionary!"

Buttercup stared rigidly at the kidney-shaped spatter of Humperdinck on the floor. Main bulldozed her from the hall. "Buttercup, you can't miss the falling action, let's go."  Red and white sparks tinged her footsteps.