The misadventures of a Main Character [Complete]

XL - "You have a plan, right?"

Helena's stomach growled darkly.

Helena snorted. "No, that's just Trotter. He's chilling in my rib-cage so the sun doesn't burn him to a literal crisp. He really is a cursed shape-shifting vampire piglet."

"Salutations," Trotter said, in a deep, lyrical voice.

Main rolled his omelette up, stuffed it into his mouth, and began staggering haphazardly into the kingdom of Flourin. "Let's go already. How far is the castle?"

"Just over the ridge," Helena said, pushing her glasses up her nose bone. They kept slipping down in the absence of her actual nose.

*

"So, Trotter-" Main stumbled over a patch of flowers and kicked one of the daisies, grumbling. "You're not one of those weird Twilight vampires, are you?"

"Gross - how dare you! Those things are barely even vampires!" Trotter huffed.

 Helena followed after Main, taking his arm and steering him into the right direction.

"Thank goodness," Main mumbled. He walked with Helena, following her guidance. "So what happened to Bevan?"

*

"He went running off into the night, saying something about putting things right. I was surprised you didn't behead him," Helena said. "You've killed others for less."

Main didn't respond.

They arrived at the town gates. Mr. Trotter hypnotized the guard (an armored flamingo),who ushered them through in a daze. Farmers with produce shied away from them as they walked towards the castle.

"You have a plan right?" Helena hissed. "Some of these guys are sharpening their pitchforks at me."

"Find Humperstinck, find Buttercup, save Buttercup, marry Buttercup, take over world," Main listed. "Oh, and locate the Auto-Correct button, solving the Typo-demic, and-"

"One thing at a time, Main! You'll swamp the reader," Helena berated. "To the castle then?"

Main nodded.