The misadventures of a Main Character [Complete]

LVI - An underwear-clad Humperdinck

"And then a step to the right!"

The room's inhabitants continued the energetic dance. They seemed to be in a sort of trance -- or perhaps this whole story has been operating under the laws of a musical this whole time. Several had panic-stricken looks on their faces. An underwear-clad Humperdinck surged lethargically toward them, and Main risked a look at him before returning to the song. 

"Put your hands on your hips-"

Helena felt a wave of relief as she followed the instructions of the song. Her desire to cannibalize the room's inhabitants were fading. 

Main hollered out his next line. "And pull your knees in tight!"

He had no idea how this ritual went - or how it ended - but something was urging him on.

*

"But it's the pelvic thrusts, that really drive you insa-" Main trailed off abruptly.

 The background music faded, and Helena sighed. "What's wrong now?" 

Trauma flickered in Main's eyes. Pursuing the barely dressed Prince Humperdink through the double doors was the largest typo he'd ever seen. It had gigantic red wings, seven tree-trunk proportioned legs, and the most visually traumatizing pelvic thrusts he had ever laid eyes on. Robbed of the capacity of speech, Main's tongue lolled uselessly in his mouth. he tried to finish the line. "A-a-n-"

 The Prince and Typo broke out of their action-sequence lethargy, and began to accelerate towards the speechless, heroically questionable hero.

*

Helena gaped at the scene, then glanced over at Main. "Main! Do something!"

The Typo's pelvic thrusts burnt his retinas. Main would never be able to sear the image out of his memory. Horrific and thrusting, and... He tried stuttering out the line again, to no avail.

 The Typo and Prince continued to advance, and Bevan let out a yell of alarm.

"Main!" Helena shouted. "Someone, get a giant dictionary!" She threw one of her shoes at him, which had no effect on knocking him out of his stupor. 

The shoe, for unknown reasons, freed the Global Worming Conference  attendees from their trance. They broke ranks and began running around the room, screaming. Several collided with the Typo, and they exploded in dramatic blasts of blood. The Prince and the Typo were nearly in the circle of mystic ingredients now, nearly upon Main...

...when Bevan loudly shouted, "Com fite me, scroob!"

The Typo suddenly froze, seeming to pick up on the terrible use of grammar and modern slang terms. Like a shark fin on the water, it knifed toward Bevan.