The misadventures of a Main Character [Complete]

XX - "I'll wear his skull as a helmet, or something."

Bevan flapped his hands in dismissal. "How it happened is unimportant at this point; whether it was magic potions, physics,  plot convenience...  A lot of stuff has happened these past seven years."

"Is Buttercup okay?" Main asked. "And Gregory?"

Bevan scratched his head. "Buttercup married Prince... uhh... Bumperstink, or something."

"Curses! Is she alright? Is she still available for wooing?" A growing pit of despair building where his stomach was.

"Well-"

"What do you mean 'well'?!"

"It's for suspense, Main. Suspense..." Bevan paused dramatically. "Well, she was murdered on her wedding night by the enemy Troll kingdom."

Main sunk to his knees and bellowed: "Nooo!!!" He crawled over to Bevan, and grabbed the hem of his shirt. "I'm finally old enough; we have to save her. We have to!"

"As you wish," Bevan bevan-ed.

*

"Tell me where this Troll kingdom is!" Main demanded.

Bevan sighed, scratching his neck. "You're not going to like it, but..."

"But what?!"

"It was built on the ruins of the Fan Brigade."

A lone figure traveled the war-torn plains of the Fan Brigade's once-great kingdom, sifting through the five-year-old rubble of buildings.

"One day," the figure whispered, "I'll find a way to bring you back. And I don't care how many people I must kill to do it."

*

Main and Bevan mongage-ed their way through the lands, from the desert; over snow-capped mountains; to vast reaches of the rocky coast; before they stopped to ask for directions.

"So what are you going to do when you get to the Troll kingdom?" Bevan asked, as they retraced their footsteps back up the beach.

"I dunno, I think I'll get a black mask and smash stuff. Maybe decapitate the king, and wear his skull as a helmet, or something."

"The troll kingdom is pretty dangerous, their ruler is into all sorts of voodoo. It's guarded by a legion of undead fangirls, and the only way in is over tariff bridges. Why do you even want to avenge Buttercup, anyway? It's not like you liked her or-" Bevan blushed suddenly, and looked away.