Until Dawn One Shots

Josh X Reader: Depressed

Requested by Anonymous !

WARNING: If not soft against the topic depression, please keep yourself away from reading this. Thank you.
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You sat around the dining table, eating supper with your family, and Josh as a guest. You were simply eating the final bits of your portion of steak, and some vegetables, engaging conversation with everyone around you, smiling, until the topic went down hill. One you refused to focus on past the events only a few months ago.

"So, Josh?" Your mother spoke up, clearing her throat, placing her utensil down on her napkin. "How've you been? Since your sisters departure?"

You stared up to her, your facial expression going blank. "Mom, stop-" you insisted, your eyes becoming glossy. The topic went deeply inside of you, shrinking you down into only a little ball. The relationship between you and his sisters was unbreakable until this happened, just easily shattering it.

"(Y/N), it's fine." He cut in, then putting on a believable tone. "I've been.. Well... Okay.. Just you can't go back, you know?"

Your mother nodded to him, exchanging glances with him, and then you.

You cupped your cheek in your hand, your elbow against the table, keeping your arm from falling. You stared down to the dish your food was in, playing around with it, losing your appetite, feeling somewhat satisfied.

"I know you did have a tight bond with them." Now, your father was the one to continue the conversation, you desperate to get out of it.

"Always used to be." Josh sighed, then making that word hated so much by you just return. 'Used to.'

At this point, you wanted nothing more with the conversation. You were holding back endless tears that wished to disappear from your eyes, you heart breaking in two separate pieces.

You pushed back in your chair, standing up, the eyes of everyone else in the room pinpointing on you.

"I'll be right back." You simply said, walking off to the bathroom.

You pushed the door open, shutting it from behind you, then approaching the toilet, sitting above it on its lid.

You curled yourself in a ball, hugging your knees, breaking out into those endless sobs that finally could be released. The emotions you were hiding back all the time Josh was here, needed freedom to just spill out until you had no more tears that could be shed.

You blamed yourself all this time for the death of the two twins, you being one to participate in the stupid prank. One that you assisted in the creation of it. You felt you couldn't live anymore. Why would you betray them? They didn't ever do anything to you. They would never deserve your friendship even after how much you begged and pleaded to be forgiven.

Tears upon tears poured out from your eyes, dripping down your cheeks, then falling to the ground when you stood up.

You approached the mirror, opening it, revealing many different items you could use. You saw a small pocket knife that was kept on one of the shelves, taking it in yours hands, your cries growing more violent.

You took the blade down to your wrist on the right, dragging it along one end to the other. Blood now oozing from the wound, begun to fall of from you, onto the bathroom counter, creating a puddle of the red substance.

Your tears fell more diligently as you then removed the blade from your right wrist, taking the blade to the opposite side, repeating what you already had done.

This severe depression haunted you, making you feel this way. But no one knew. You just knew how to hide those emotions.

You've already been gone for about ten minutes, now beginning to worry you parents, and Josh more than the two.

"Where's (Y/N)?" Your mother asked, gesturing to both Josh, and your father to answer. They shrugged.

The room then became silent, hearing your faint cries coming through the bathroom door.

"(Y/N)?" Your father called loud and bold, you removing the blade from your opposite wrist, agonizing pain shooting down your arm, you feeling weak. Feel like nothing.

You held the pocket knife, prepared to cut another spot.

"I'm gonna go look for her." Josh piped up, placing his fork down on the table, standing up in search of you.

He followed the sound of your cries, repeating your name several times aloud.

You held the blade above another area of your right arm, hesitantly lowering it onto your skin. Then, the door opens, making you shiver.

"(Y/N)!" Josh shrieked, closing the door behind him, coming over to you, strongly removing the knife from your grip. "Stop!"

"NO!" You struggled, trying to regain possession of the knife in your hands, to be continuing to torture yourself painfully.

Josh placed the blood covered blade back onto the counter, far from your reach. He inspected your wounds, understanding immediately how deep you dug the knife in your skin.

"Fuck sake, (Y/N)!" He panicked, coming closer to you, pulling you into an embrace. "What did you do!?"

You pushed your head on his shoulder, your tears now coming out like a waterfall, or rain. He already knew why you were like this, so you did not go into any explanation just yet. "I-It was m-my fault!" You stammered, your lip quivering, the sound of your voice muffled in his denim shirt.

"No it wasn't-"

"Yes it was!" You shouted, now no longer caring who you were talking to. This was the time. "I was part of that stupid fucking prank! I helped Mike and the rest do it!"

Josh pulled away from the hug, now putting his fingertips on your cheeks, wiping away the tears. "You weren't the main one so, think about that. It was Mike." He continued to try and reassure you, but it failed. "Why would you go as far as doing that!" He looked back down to your wounds, thinking of a way he could heal the pain deep inside you.

"I had to.. I can't live with myself!"

"No you didn't!" Josh begun to cry small tears, feeling sympathy towards you. "Stop blaming yourself!"

Your cries begun to dial down, Josh's words helping you get past all of it slightly.

"Here," he stood up off the tile floor, a small amount of blood on it, opening the cabinet, lucky enough finding bandages to help heal you. "This'll work." He came over to you, covering up the severe wounds. You continued to sniff, and feel depressed as you did so.

Your wounds were successfully covered, Josh adding a bit of ointment over them.

He then grabbed your hand, lifting you up off the ground, approaching the door.

"Let's get back out there." He recommended, you nodding your head.

"Yeah."