It All Started With You

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Kera Neverson

"Mommy stay with me! I wanna met my family." She said.

"Mommy has to go." Déjù vu all over again. I couldn't see 'her' face but, I felt her presence in the air. Her voice wasn't loud, more like a whisper.

It was my miscarriage daughter. She was going to be a year younger than Jayden. I've had a few dreams about her and they all meant something.

"Okay but tell um I love them. And visit me more mommy. I love you and daddy." A tear fell down my cheek leaving her.

Suddenly I woke up feeling bothered yet releaved. Trey was sleeping the opposite way with his hands under his face.

I laid on my back staring at the ceiling. The tension between me and myself was unthinkable. Yes myself and I. Just me alone, I couldn't give myself an explanation. If that made sense.

I didn't know what was bothering me. And wasn't good at sharing my feelings. Trey and Chris, or anyone could figure that something was wrong but I couldnt put my finger on it.

Luckily Adrian didn't cry at all in the middle of the night, or Trey might of gotten him. I got up to brush my teeth and wash my face. Nothing new.

Having a dream about my miscarriage daughter eight years later added another piece to the puzzle of how I'm feeling.

****

I was still up finishing the breakfast on this Sunday morning. After fixing my plate of grits, eggs and Canadian bacon Brittany texts me.

Would you like to go out w/ me and Riya later on?

Yeah, if I'm not watching my baby.

We need to talk.

Y and about what?

I think you know.

Around what time?

Two I'll pick you up.

Okay.

Placing my plate in the sink, Tremaine and the kids come down. Trey's carrying Adrian on his shoulder, but Adrian was still super small on Trey's shoulder my heart melted a bit.

Layla and Jayden run to the dinning room around the corner from the kitchen as Trey looks at me.

"What?" I question drying my hands off. He just shrugged it off.
"You busy today Brittany wanted me to go out with her?"

"Yeah, going to the studio."

"You know what nevermind--" I say keeping myself busy in the kitchen. He sighed evidently. Once I finish Jayden and Layla's food they eat while Trey hands me Adrian. He folds his arms to wanting answers and whatever else.

"Go 'head I'll stay here." He said but, it's fine now.

"No, it's fine I'll watch the kids I do everyday anyway." I walk away to place Adrian in his crib. I knew Trey's watching me but, I ignore him. My head once again was banging.

I grabbed the Advil taking the pill as I see Trey's reflection walk in. He snatches my arm so I would look at him.

"Kera what's going on?"