Imagines/oneshots Book 1

10. John Constantine - inner deamons wear fake smiles too

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This is a long one but it's not bad I guess.

It's kinda sad and there is mention of slight self harm/blood/depression so if your triggered easily I wouldn't read this one shot. There's not to much though (I guess)

Song: She's The Prettiest Girl at the Party and she can prove it with a solid right hook by Frnkiero and the Cellabration

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3 a.m

I walk slowly toward the building, my hospital bracelet flapping lightly in the wind. It's been a while but knowing him he probably isn't asleep. But then again what will I do if he is? It's late after all, maybe I should just go home. No I need to talk to someone I know. He's the only one I know within a thirty mile radius that's worth talking to. I walk slower pondering if I should turn around or not. Everything is always a constant battle for me, I can't make up my mind and when I do I just become more destructive.

He won't want to talk to me. I'm faced, again, with his front door. I lift my hand to knock but the door opens, he stands there staring at my pale face. Hes fully clothed in his white shirt and tie as if he hadn't been to sleep yet. His brown eyes dance around looking at my face. there's a glint that you can tell he's trying to find something in him to say. Maybe I shouldn't have come. I turn to leave but he grabs my wrist instead. I turn to look at him with tears forming in my eyes.

"I'm sorry."

It's whispered and rough coming out, almost as if I hadn't spoken a word in forever. He looks down to where his hand meets my wrist, he turns it over to see my name written on the hospital band. He looks back up at my face with his eyebrows furrowed.

"Please tell me you didnt."

"I wish I could."

"You promised me when you left last time that you'd stopped."

"I had stopped but then things just kept getting harder. Life was getting in my way, I was getting in my way. Everything was hitting me again at twice the speed and I couldn't handle it anymore."

"Did you admit yourself?"

"No"

He pulled me in for a hug. Neither of us were ever the kind of people who hugged a lot or got to close to anybody but for once it felt nice. It was comfortable, unforced, like we both knew we needed it but we couldn't admit that we needed it. We needed it from each other, comfort that is. I think it was more of a reassurance to him that I was actually standing there in front of him, still alive and safer from myself than I was the day prior. He let go of me and stepped to the side so I could walk in. He closed to door and followed me to the kitchen table in the center of the room.

"I'm sorry."

He stared at me from across the table. There was a long uncomfortable silence that made me feel shameful. I went to stand.

"I know I shouldn't have come."

He grabbed my hand.

"I'm glad you did. It's been a while. I wish you would have come sooner so I could've helped you when you needed me."

"It's not like you would've know."

"Yes I would've. I knew the first time you were here and Everytime after. I didn't say anything because j figured if you wanted me to know you would've told me......who admitted you to the hospital?"

"My landlady. I've been having maintenance trouble and she came to check up on it. That's when she found me in the bathroom staring at the broken mirror in front of me covered in scars and blood. The glass in my hand. for a moment it felt like I had the power all over again. The power to hurt, to feel the pain. When she asked me what I was doing at first I didn't hear her. it wasn't until she screamed my name a few times that I even realized she was in the room. She took the glass from me, put a towel on my stomach and led me to her car where she took me to the hospital."

"You should've called me when you started. You know you're welcome with me any time, I know i could've helped you, fixed the problem."

"I didn't have a demon in me John! It wasnt a problem until I left the last time. I was so alone. I had nothing going for me nothing to live up to anymore. The Angels refuse to talk to me and the demons don't stop, always pushing me a little closer to the edge."

By now I was crying barely keeping myself together. Everything was unfolding in front of me and I couldn't stop. I had been so strong for so long it was finally my turn to be weak, he under stood that.

"None of this is your fault. You're going to stay with me from now on. We're gonna give your life purpose again, go back to what we did before you left."

I just shook my head yes. The tears where done falling. I was done falling. Knowing I had Constantine back meant knowing I had the strength to pull through again. He was going to keep me clean. I was going to be strong for him, and for me. And when i slipped up he would be there to catch me and stand me back up again just like I'd do for him. We had each other's backs, and that was a good thing especially in our line of work.