Imagines/oneshots Book 1

43. erik lehnsherr - maybe

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What? You didn't think there would be a perfect ending did you?

Song: it's complicated by a day to remember
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He sat on the couch watching the TV run through a set of commercials. He didnt move or laugh at the ones he used to laugh at. I stood at the edge of the hall and watched him, he breathed deeply and you could tell in the way his chest moved up and down. Maybe he had been thinking the same thing all along but just didn't want to admit it. Of course I wouldn't know without asking but he seemed so calm and I wouldn't want to disturb that. I ran my hands over my arms for a second before deciding on joining him. I walked fast pace across the wood floor and greeted him with a smile. A grin creeped it's way onto his features and he beckoned me to sit with him. I snuggle into his side, his arm wrapping around my shoulders, but neither of us said anything. We sat like that for a good hour just enjoying each other's company and listening to the television run. When the program changed he rubbed my shoulder and stood up.

"Care for dinner?"

I nodded my head at him and stood to follow him to the kitchen.

"Got anything in mind?"

He just rubbed his chin as he looked in our almost barren refrigerator. He looked at me with his bright blue eyes.

"Take out?"

I just smiled at him.

"Sure, deer."

He walked passed me and kissed my cheek before stepping towards the door. He grabbed his jacket and hat to leave before I piped up.

"Erik."

He hummed in a questioning tone.

"Do you think we could make a date night out of it? We haven't been out in a while, don't you think?"

He shifted his hat in his hands.

"Well I suppose we could but I know how long you'd take to make your face up."

He laughed a little to which i just responded with a straight face that turned to a sad smile.

"Nevermind then, we can just eat in."

He winked at me and pulled his jacket on.

"That's my girl."

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I paced around the house, biting at my thumb nail as my thoughts ran through my head. I didn't really take that long to get ready did I? Not on small occasions like this. I heard the door click and was met with Erik holding a bag of what smelled like Chinese food. He half smiled at me and placed the bag on the table.

"I got your favorite."

I just smiled at him and sat down, waiting for him to dish the contents of the bag out. When he was done he sat and we ate in silence. When we had both finished and he helped with the dishes he walked off to our shared bedroom, leaving me in the kitchen to my thoughts.

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When I walked into our room he was already in bed, close to sleep. I just stood in the door, trying to figure out what to do. I looked to the floor then back to him and made my way to my dresser.

"Erik."

His eyes remained closed.

"Yes darling?"

"Were you trying to avoid me by going to get dinner alone?"

I looked at him and his eyes were half open now, staring at me.

"What on Earth makes you think that?"

I fiddled with my fingers in front of me.

"I don't know, you've just seemed a bit.......distant, lately."

He fully sat up now and watched me from across the room.

"Have I been?"

"Maybe it's just me overthinking things. Nevermind."

He looked down at his lap and sighed heavily.

"Maybe..... Your right."

I looked at him with wide eyes. Was I?

"I guess I just needed a little time to myself is all."

"Oh, okay, yeah I guess I get that."

He tilted his head and skrewed his eyebrows together a little bit.

"Is there something more to this y/n?"

I picked at my nails and slowly walked to the bed, sitting on the end so I was still a decent space away from him

"Maybe, I dont know. I just don't, feel, a whole lot anymore, about.....you. I mean I care about you and all but it's just sort of feels...."

I averted my gaze but he grabbed my hand causing me to look back at him.

"Empty? Maybe it would be safe to say that we feel the same?"

I nodded my head yes slowly, processing everything.

"I guess I'm just unsatisfied with myself in this relationship which kind of makes it unsatisfactory in and of itself."

"I sort of feel the same, i suppose we've been growing apart since the beginning."

"Yeah I kind of suppose that we have."

I scanned his face to make sure he meant it.

"And I suppose y/n, as hard as it is to say, maybe, I don't know, maybe this whole time......I didnt actually love you...."

I felt a pang in my stomach and sighed in almost relief.

"Thats okay. I think this whole time..... I didn't actually love myself."

His blue eyes scanned my face for a second.

"You.... Your serious arnt you?"

I shrugged.

"I don't expect you to understand, but I thought that maybe if I could learn to love someone else then maybe, just maybe, I could learn the same love for my self. But I just....can't."

Tears were starting to well up in my eyes but I wasn't quite sure why. It was something that I had ran through my head time after time but I guess saying it out loud actually made it real.

"If I'd known-"

"You'd what? Make me love myself? It doesn't work that way, believe me I've tried."

The last part came out more like a whisper. I ran my hand across my cheek to wipe the tear that finally escaped..suddenly Erik was on the other side of me, pulling me into the tightest hug. He pulled me to my feet to actually hug me, full on, and not from the side like the way I was sitting.

"Don't say that. If I would've known..... I don't know, maybe I would have tried harder."

I just laughed once and stepped out of his arms.

"That's not how it works and you know it. I really did enjoy our relationship, you were and still are my best friend, but I think maybe that's where we need to part ways."

He nodded and kissed the top of my head, smoothing my hair after. He looked down at me.

"You will always be my favorite person, even though this didn't work out. Something's just arnt meant to be, like us loving each other."

I nodded and looked up at him, my eyes still watery.

"I loved loving you."

"And I love that you tried to love yourself as much as I thought I loved you."

I just hugged him again, burying my face into his neck as I stood on my tip toes. Maybe, maybe this was for the better.