Imagines/oneshots Book 1

161. ricky horror - hard to breathe

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This is exactly 1700 words so there ya go, fun fact.

This is heavily themed with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, crying, helplessness, and thoughts/talk of suicide so read at your own risk, you have been warned.

Song: im the rehab youre the drugs by the D.R.U.G.S
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I held my head in my hands and rocked back and forth. This was the third panic attack I'd had today. I couldn't handle anything and I felt like I was suffocating. I had walked through the crowd of fans before the show and felt a few of them grab at me, yelling and screaming my name. I had only been working with the band for a few weeks but most of the fans already knew who I was. They wanted everything from me it seemed. These thoughts rushed through my brain as I sat on the floor of the bathroom by myself. I wanted to die. The tears wouldn't stop and my breathing was so uneven I had violent hiccups. It was all too much. I had no idea how long I'd be able to last in here, as long as I held on just a little bit longer... then There was a knock at the door but I didn't answer. I couldn't. The words just wouldn't form.

"Y/n are you in there? We're getting ready to head on stage."

I just brought my knees to my chest and hugged them tightly to my body, shoving my face into them. Please just leave me alone. But He knocked again.

"I can hear you, I'm coming in."

I heard the door click.

"Aj has been looking everywhere for you-"

He paused when he saw me on the floor sobbing.

"Oh my God are you okay?"

I just shook my head no, feeling my body begin to shake. He moved quickly and came to sit by me.

"Is it okay if I touch you?"

I took in a Shakey breath and nodded my head. He rested his hand gently on my back and waited for me to react.

"Is there anything I can do?"

I turned my head to look at him, tears still free falling from my eyes. I let out a sob and hiccuped at the same time before moving to hug him. That's what was gonna be good for me right? He wrapped his arms around me and pet my hair softly. I held onto him for deer life, clutching his shirt tightly in my hands.

"It's okay, I've got you."

He said soothingly. I just shoved my face into his shoulder and tried to even my breathing. Nothing was helping, I hadn't had an attack like this in years and all my coping mechanisms had gone out the window. The depression hit me like a ton of bricks. Then I started feeling too crowded and let him go, pushing him away from me but still holding one of his fingers in my hand. I didn't even look at him. I couldn't bring myself to. I stared at the door through my blurry, watery, eyes instead and tried to breath easier.

"Do you want me to get you anything?"

I shook my head no and hiccuped again, inhaling sharply. I looked up at the ceiling as my tears slowed. I tried holding my breath and held his hand rather than just his finger.

"Okay, in still right here, not going anywhere until you're okay. Okay?"

I let out another soft sob, finally calming down a little and sighing out.

"But what about the show?"

He cracked a smile and squeezed my hand.

"Making sure you're safe matters more right now."

I took in a Shakey breath.

"We both know that's bullshit."

He scooted a little closer to me and turned my head to look at him fully.