Cause and Affect

Thirty-Six||

I looked around and mom was sitting on a chair, reading.

"Mom?" I asked groggily.

"Kaila?" Her voice sounded breathy, a whisper tone. "Are you okay sweetie?"

"Um, yeah. I'm fine. . . is the surgery over?"

Mom laughed, "The surgery isn't until the morning, sweetheart."

I started blankly, I then realized it was just a dream, right?

"Mom, did I stop breathing?" I asked bluntly.

"Kaila, what are you talking about?" She came over to the bed and sat next to me.

"Did I. . . die? Again."

"No, sweetheart, you've been sleeping for only an hour."

I looked at the clock and it was only nine at night.

"But, mom, I went to heaven, again. I saw Jesus, Dad, and Kaleb," I rambled.

"You saw Kaleb?" Mom looked at me softly, and covered her mouth. She looked as though she was beginning to cry.

"Yes mom, I saw Kaleb. He says he's sorry."

Mom wrapped her arms around me and swayed back and forth. We held there for a moment.

"Mama? I don't want to do the surgery." I said, trying to hold back tears.

"I know baby. I know. I'll be here for you the whole time."

I finally gave in and cried. I was scared. I needed to apologize, to Hunter. I grabbed my phone and looked at the notifications.

Hunter had texted four times.

I'm sorry, Kaila.. I didn't mean to ask you a personal question like that.

I hope I didn't hurt you.

I still love you, always and forever.

I bet you're sleeping.. I'll let you sleep. goodnight my love. I love you❤️

What was I supposed to say? He was the one apologizing to me, when it should be me apologizing. I quickly typed back.

No, Hunter. It should be me apologizing because I left the conversation. I shouldn't have taken it personal. I'm sorry if I hurt you. goodnight, I love you too.

Right after it sent, I forced myself to sleep and only tried to things that were good about tomorrow.

Tomorrow I could start walking again, tomorrow, was going to be a good day.

I fell asleep with the knowledge I was going to get better.

~~
In the morning I awoke, and the doctor came in not much after giving me the run down of the surgery and the MRI from my last doctor visit back in Wisconsin. It turned out I had a Herniated Disc in my lower back. Which, is basically a pinched nerve which was why I lost feeling in my legs.

He gave me some pain medicine first. I had to wait about a half an hour for it to kick in. Once it finally did, it was time for laughing gas, also known as to put me to sleep.

Before I knew what was happening I was asleep, unknowing of the world around me.

I had dreamt about Hunter and I. What maybe our future, marriage. In the dream we had three children, two boys and a girl.

We had the perfect life, and I oh so wished it was real.

I kept on dreaming, in which case, I don't remember them, until I woke.

I looked around, not remembering where I was until I felt a sharp pain in my lower back.

I winced. "Ow." I said audibly.

"Kaila." Mom said softly. "How are you feeling?"

"In pain."

"Oh, here. The doctor said if you need pain relievers to have you pump this." She squeezed it and not very long after it began to feel better.

"Okay. Thanks mom." I took a glance at myself. I didn't do it very often just because I didn't want to make myself feel worse. My tummy was sunken in, and my arms and legs looked like skin on bone with a small bit of muscle. I had not much skin pigment, just enough to tell that I was alive.

A couple hours later the doctor appeared. "Ah, Kaila. How are you doing?"

I shrugged. "As good as I can be,
I guess."

He gave a chuckle. "Good." He paused. "So, we fixed the disc problem in your lower back. It will take a few days for you to get back to walking, but because of your Leukemia condition, it won't be easy. It'll take time. Everyday, we'll get you on your feet for about five to ten minutes depending on how you're feeling. Sound good?"

"I nodded."

He smiled. "Good. Well, I'll let you get some rest, and I'll check back in tomorrow."

"Okay."

He smiled once more and patted my leg. This time it left a tingly feeling. I could feel.

It was an amazing feeling. It had been around three months since I could feel my legs.

I couldn't wait to start walking again. What an adventure to start walking again.