CHANCES

part 19

Ng gabing yun, natulog ako sa kwarto ni Ria. Don't think bad. Natulog lang ako katabi niya. Nung hiniga ko kasi siya para matulog sinabihan niya kong magstay doon. I kissed her forehead bago siya pumikit. Nakatulog na din ako while i was hugging her, at siya naman din.

It was a peacefull night. For a very long time ngayon lang ulit ako nakatulog ng mahimbing. Kahit bahagya ko pa ding naaalala si Kyla, ang presence ni Ria ang nakakapagtanggal nun.

Kinabukasan nagising ako na wala na si Ria. Nakakita na lang ako ng note sa fridge na pumunta na siya sa photoshoot niya.

Mag-isa lang ako sa apartment kaya pagkatapos kong kumain at maligo, lumabas ako para mag ikot-ikot sa paligid.

Since palakad-lakad lang ako, maraming bagay ang naglaro sa utak ko. Tulad ng kaya ko bang panindigan si Ria until the end? O ginagawa ko lang siyang panakip butas ; kailan ako uuwi ng Pilipinas; ano at pano ko sasabihin sa kanila ang masamang balita; magtatrabaho ako ng todo-todo for sure; magtatanim ako ng puno para kay Kyla; tutulong sa mga charity funds; mag- uumpisa na ako ng mga business partnerships at deal at kung anu-ano pa ang mga inisip ko.

May isang bookstore akong nadaanan. Di naman talaga ako mahilig magbasa ng mga libro kaso may isang title ng magazine ang nakapukaw ng atensyon ko ng napadaan ako sa glass window. It was entitled : How to Let Go of a Past Relationship: 10 Steps to Move On Peacefully by Lori Deschene.

Narealize ko na lang bigla na nakapasok na pala ako ng store at hawak-hawak na ang magazine.

"Going to buy that or stare at it forever?", sabi ng matandang nasa cashier.

"I'll buy it.", sabi ko.

Nasa isang caffee ako, isang cheap caffee take note, at doon ko binasa ang topic na nakita ko. Mainit pa ang cape kaya di ko muna iyon ininom.

Binasa ko lang yung section na iyun at ito ang sampung steps na nakita ko.

1. Practice releasing regrets.

2. Work on forgiving yourself.

3. Don’t think about any time as lost.

4. Remember the bad as well as the good.

5. Reconnect with who you are outside a relationship.

6. Create separation.

7. Let yourself feel.

8. Remember the benefits of moving on.

9. Recognize and replace fearful thoughts.

10. Embrace impermanence.

At maraming bagay ang tumatak sa isip ko habang nagbabasa nito. Para kasing sinulat ng author ang topic na ito sa akin.

Ito ang ilang bagay na tumatak sa isip ko:

- All dwelling does is cause you to suffer. When you start revisiting the past in your head, pull yourself into the moment. Focus on the good things in your current situation

- Instead, keep reminding yourself that you are human. You’re entitled to make mistakes; everyone does.

- we tend to remember everything with reverie, as if it was all sunshine and roses

- So instead of wanting a specific person to re-enter your life, want love and happiness, whatever that may look like.

- Losing a relationship can feel like a mini-death, with a grieving process. First, you’re shocked and in denial. You don’t believe it’s over and you hold out hope. Next, you feel hurt and guilty. You should have done things differently. If you did you wouldn’t be in this pain.

Then, you feel angry and maybe even start bargaining. It would be different if you gave it a second go. You wouldn’t be so insecure, defensive, or demanding.  Then you might feel depressed and lonely as it hits you how much you’ve lost.

- When you let go, you give yourself peace. Everything about holding on is torturous. You regret, you feel ashamed and guilty, you rehash, you obsess—it’s all an exercise in suffering.

- When you’re holding onto a relationship, it’s usually more about attachment than love. Love wants for the other person’s happiness. Fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you happy so you don’t have to feel the alternative.

- Nothing in life lasts forever. Every experience and relationship eventually runs its course.

Pagkatapos kong mabasa ang article na yun, parang nabawasan ang bigat ng nararamdaman ko. Biglang na enlighten ako sa mga nangyari. Parang nagkaroon ng acceptance sa part ko kung bakit nangyari ang mga bagay na ito. Nagkaroon ng dahilan kung bakit ako nandito ngayon.

Napangiti ako.

Napansin ko na malamig na ang kape ko kaya kahit di ko yun ininom, umalis na ako sa lugar. Iniwan ko na din yung magazine since di ko naman yun kailangan. Lahat ng nabasa ko nakatatak na sa isip ko.

Napadpad ako sa isang park.

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I know walang masyadong nangyari dito at more of about lang sa article na nabasa niya.

but hey! to those na nahirapan talagang mag move.on dyan this will help! ;)