When She Is No Longer Mine «Jason McCann & Justin Bieber»

17

Jason walks in our room with a towel wrapped around his waist. "Feel better?" I ask softly as I glance up at him. He shrugs as he sits on the edge of the bed. I scoot over, sitting next to him. I reach to his hands and place my left on inside of both of his. "Talk to me, handsome," I kiss his cheek gently.

He slowly turns his head to look at me. "Can we shut off the lights a-and you hold me?" His voice cracks towards the end.

I nod, "yeah, baby. Go put some underwear on," I say gently.

He drops his towel to the floor once he's off the bed. He digs through his drawers to find a red pair of briefs. I smile when he looks over to me. He walks to the light switch, flipping it off. By the time my eyes are adjusted to the darkness, Jason's crawling in bed. I move to my side of the bed and take him into my arms. He wraps his arms around my waist, burying his face into my chest. I kiss his damp hair.

"I'm sorry," his voice comes out raspy.

I run my fingers down his back. "Why? Don't be sorry," I rest my cheek on top of his head.

He shrugs again, letting out a shaky breath. I stayed up longer than he did just to make sure he's okay. Normally when he falls into a depression, the first signs are nightmares. He might be past that stage but it's always okay to watch out. But as soon as I closed my eyes to go to sleep, he started shuffling.

I called his name to make sure he wasn't awake. "Baby," I push him off of me gently. "Baby, it's just a dream," I kiss his face until he opens his eyes. "It's just a dream," I kiss his lips in a quick peck.

He sighs heavily, leaning against me again. "It's starting again, Nezther. I don't like it," he murmurs.

I run my fingers over his biceps, feeling his muscles. "I know, Jace. Just go back to sleep, I'm right here," I whisper.

He presses his lips to my neck. I sigh when I feel them quivering. He leans his forehead against my neck, letting out a sob. Jason's hands grip my waist tightly. "I'm so sorry," he cries. "I don't want to do this to you again, baby! I hate this!" His screams are muffled by my skin.

"Mommy?"

I groan as Jasper opens my bedroom door. He walks over to Jason's side of the bed, making him cry harder now that he knows our son is witnessing this. "Jasper, go back to bed. I'll be there in a minute!" I say to him. He ignores my order and climbs up onto the bed. "Jason, shh," I hold him tightly. "Look at me," I order.

He looks up, his face now soaked by tears. "I'm sorry," he cries.

I shake my head. "No, baby, don't be sorry. You can't control this, you know that. I'm going to bring Jasper into his room. Stay here, okay? Right here, don't do anything. I know what you're thinking right now, please don't do it. I will be back in five minutes tops," I kiss his forehead.

He sniffles but nods. I stand up, picking Jasper up off the bed. "What's wrong with Daddy?" He asks as I set him in his bed.

"We will talk in the morning, Jasper. No tv tomorrow, I told you to go back to bed," I kiss his chubby cheeks. "I love you."

"I love you too," he huffs.

I shake my head, closing his door behind me. I walk into my room to see the bed empty. I flip the light switch, making the room clearer. I walk over to the ensuite and open the door. Jason sits on the closed toilet, just staring at the floor. I look down to see a broken razor and its blades scattered on the floor. I look back up to my fiancé, he's still staring at them.

I pick up the pieces of his newly found weapon. I place them in the trash can, taking the bag out and tying it shut. I place it outside the door before turning back to Jason. "Water always calms you down," I whisper as I kneel in front of him. "How about a bath? We can sit in the jacuzzi tub and turn the jets on to relax you," I grab both of his hands.

He nods, swallowing hard. I kiss his knuckles before pushing myself off the ground.  Slowly but surely, the tub fills up. I turn on the small jets so no one wakes up from the noise. I help Jason pull off his boxers and guide him into the tub. I take off his shirt, which I was wearing, along with sliding my panties down my legs. I sit next to him in the tub and sigh as the warm water engulfs my entire body. Jason lets out a small grunt, moving himself between my legs. I wrap my arms around him as he situates himself so he's sitting sideways. He lays his head on my shoulder and grabs my hand. He squeezes it gently a few times, taking deep breaths as he does so.

"I have all of next week off," I whisper, kissing his head.

He furrows his eyebrows. "Why?"

I rub his chest, then down his thigh. "The students are on break, so there is no class for me to observe," I explain quietly.

For my work, I drive around Southern California, going to schools to observe teachers. I give a report of their ways, how the students act, what rules they have, things like that. With my notes, the head of all schools in California decides whether the teacher keeps their job.

Zoning back in on my broken fiancé, i kiss his nose quickly. "After we get out, we'll go to sleep and then we can do something that'll take your mind off of things," I smile down at him. He nods, leaning his head up to kiss my chin.

«» «» «»

I set my keys on the counter. "Jasper is at the babysitters, Kinsley took Leigh out to order furniture for her room and buy clothes, now I just have to find Jason," I mumble to myself. I take my phone out of my back pocket. I look to make sure there are no text messages or missed calls before going upstairs.

Jason's walks out of our room as I get to the top of the stairs. "Hey," he flashes me a small smile.

I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him against me. "What do you want to do?" I ask softly.

"Start on planning the wedding, if you want to," he tucks his head in the crook of my neck.

I play with the hair on the back of his neck. "If that's what you want to do, baby," I nod.

A few minutes later, Jason sat on the couch as I made us some hot tea. Besides water, this is what calms him down most of the time. I get us a package of cookies and carry the mugs along with the package into the living room. Jason sits on the floor in front of the coffee table, typing something into my laptop. I set the drinks and food down, glancing at his hands as I stood back up.

"Jason..."