When She Is No Longer Mine «Jason McCann & Justin Bieber»

65

Nezther

I set my purse down on the counter. "Grace? Jen?" I call out to my thirteen year old daughters.

Jasper walks into the room. "Hey, mom," he smiles.

"Hey, babe," I smile back tiredly. "How're you feeling?"

He shrugs, "as good as I can be. How are you, Momma?"

"Same," I nod.

His sisters walk into the kitchen. "Jasper!" Jenny exclaims, "it's so good to see you! Listen, you'll be driving soon and I–"

Jasper cuts her off. "I'm not driving you and your friends anywhere," he chuckles. "Unless mom needs me to, then I will."

I smile at him. "Thank you, Jasp," I kiss his cheek. "Is your guys' homework done?" I direct my question at my daughters.

"How come we have to do homework and go to school but Jasper doesn't?"

"Because–"

"Because what?" Jenny snaps. "Because he's trying to make you feel better about what you did to dad?"

Gracie pushes her sister. "It wasn't her fault," she huffs.

"Yes, it was," she yells, "he wouldn't have killed himself if she didn't make him so miserable!"

I don't know what comes over me, but I slap her across her face. Jasper pull me into his arms as I sob. "I miss him so much," I cry against my sons chest.

«» «» «»

I sit up quickly. My daughter lays between my legs, her head on my stomach. "You okay?" Jason asks, touching my back.

I run my fingers through my toddlers hair. Gracie mumbles something but its incoherent. "I had a bad dream," I whisper as tears stream down my face.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"I hit Jenny," I mumble, "she said it was my fault that you committed suicide."

He wraps his arms around me. "Baby–"

I shake my head. "No, I know... I'm fine," I kiss his forehead.

Leigh walks into the living room. "Can I talk to you?" Tears stream down her face rapidly.

"What's wrong, baby?" I reach my hand out to her. She takes it and sits down in front of me. "Leigh, what's going on?"

"My doctor called me back. Y'know, I had to go for that mammogram because my mother had been diagnosed with cancer when she was twenty-seven. So I had to get tested." I move Grace into Jason's lap. I pull my sister up onto the couch. "I'm already at stage two," she sobs.

She wraps her arms around my waist. I feel tears build up. "It's okay, love," I whisper. I hold her tightly. "It's going to be okay."

"It's not," she cries.

Jason reaches over and rubs her arm. "It is, Leigh. We're going to make sure of it. We're going to get you the best doctor's and the best treatments, it's going to be okay," he assures her.

Papa Acosta walks into the room. "I heard crying. What's going on?"

"Leigh's sick," Jason tells him. He stands up with Gracie in his arms. He motions Papa to follow him out of the room.

I focus back on my daughter. "I'm not going to tell you not to worry, because you still will. But I'm going to tell you everything is going to be okay," I slowly move us side to side. "Does Kinsley know?"

She shakes her head as she starts to calm her breathing. "Just you guys," she mumbles.

"Let's keep it that way until we get home, yeah?" I kiss her head as I move hair away from her forehead.

"I'm sorry. I'm going to–"

I cut her off. "It's okay, baby. Stay with me," I hold her tightly.

She nods, leaning closer to my chest. "What happens if they can't fix it?" She whispers, "what if– what if Kinsley doesn't love me anymore? I'm going to be so gross afterwards. They have to take it out and reconstruct... oh my god."

"Shh," I hush her. "Just lay with Momma for now, baby. Jason's going to speed this adoption up as soon as possible, then it'll be official, baby."

She leans her head down on my chest, closing her eyes. I comb my fingers through her hair. "I like sleeping," she murmurs, "I don't have to worry about anything. My mind is completely blank, I don't need to think, I love it."

I rub her arm. "So go to sleep, I'll be right here when you wake up," I promise her.

"Wake me up two hours before we leave."