(2) Self Harm, Depression & The Janoskians

Chapter 2

I sat across the table to Lindsay and Gina, who were sipping wine and chatting, I was just listening in and keeping quiet.

"April, love." Gina smiled at me. "How are you, how's the job going?"

I coughed slightly, "Its going well, it's getting me out of the house."

"That's always good, I spoke to the boys today. Apparently Luke's been down all day, he's really missing you."

"April is being silly, she doesn't think any of them miss her." Lindsay spoke up, I sighed at her bringing my own personal thoughts up.

"Of course they do! That's all Luke talks about is you. You're lucky you can go and see them, I miss them too, April. My boys out there alone," She said as her face sunk.

"I'm sorry, it's me being selfish."

"No it's not. It's understandable how you feel, the time zones don't help either, neither does them constantly busy out there. I hardly speak to them too."

I nodded, "I'm just still in shock, and I know it's been five months."

"It's gone quickly." She spoke, but to me it hadn't, but I nodded in agreement anyway.

My phone lit up on the table, I leaned and looked and a message read.

From: Luke

April, I'm going to sleep now. Just to let you know how much I miss and love you. I'll see you soon <3 xx

My heart fluttered, I wanted to cry right now. I couldn't bare being away from him much longer. Five whole months were taking their tole on me.

"Who was it?" Lindsay asked, as a grin creeped on my face.

"Luke." I told her, while replying to the message, my legs crossing over each other.

I was happy tonight, Luke's phone call and message had made me feel eased today. Some days I work all day, and never get a text from him, but Jai texts me everyday.

We ordered pizza and spent the rest of the night laughing, I knew I had, had a good day. I had finished work early, spoke to Luke and actually laughed a bit.

Lindsay and I were on our way home in a cab, she held my hand most of the way back. "I'm worried about you." She spoke.

"Why?" I dryly laughed.

"I've seen your arms, you haven't been sleeping, or eating much." She said as the man in the front of the cabs eyes peered at me, I shook my head.

"Don't worry about it."

"Well I am, I know you miss them," She sighed. "But this isn't the anwser."

I grunted, not wanting to speak about it, but I couldn't exactly leave it alone.

We finally got home, I said goodnight to Lindsay and took myself to bed.

Insomnia kept me up all night, I twisted and turned in my bed, I listened to music through my headphones, scrolling through my photo albums, photos of me and Luke were scattered all over the page.

I clicked on one, me and Luke were smiling at the screen, he was in mid-laugh though, my eyes were crossed. I had edited it into black and white and it was one of my many favourites of us.

Why did this have to happen? I was already messed up as it was, then I let myself fall in love and now I had been left, oh April you need to stop this! It isn't any of their faults, it was mine....

I didn't know why it was mine, but I believed it was.

I shuffled my songs and ended picking another one, I drifted off soon after that, wondering how long would it last.