(2) Self Harm, Depression & The Janoskians

Chapter 14

Aprils POV

I fluttered open my eyes, I could feel an arm still draped around my waist and the warmness of Luke's breath on the back of my neck. The room was still dark, the small sound of wind coming from outside the window. My fingers were lightly on the pillow, the fabric soft against my skin. I looked straight ahead at the door, I didn't really know why I had woken up randomly, but I just knew I wanted to sleep again.

I twisted around so I was facing Luke, I held his arm so I could fully move before resting it back down. His eyes were closed still, his plump lips in a straight line, I moved my hand up and rested it on his cheek, slightly stroking his skin.

I then wrapped my arm around him and closed my eyes, sighing I felt myself feel comfortable again.

"April, are you alright?" I heard Luke whisper.

I shot my eyes open. "Did I wake you?" I asked.

"Yeah, but it's fine. But are you okay?" He asked me, his eyes giving off the most soft tone, which honestly made me gaze into them and feel warm and happy.

"Mhm, I'm fine." I mumbled back.

"Alright," He said. "Sorry about earlier." He continued.

"What about it?"

"I shouldn't have reacted to your arms like I did. I should have been more calm and understanding."

"I don't care Luke. I'm just happy you're not angry with me, I am really sorry I did it." I sighed.

"Don't be, you were obviously upset about stuff," He said as his eyes seemed to sadden. "I shouldn't have done what I had done either."

I didn't reply for a moment, I didn't want to ask to much about it, but then now we were on the subject I didn't see why not. "Why did you ignore me?"

He swallowed. "Honestly?"

I nodded, "Honestly."

"I don't know, I didn't want to speak to anyone. At first I was honestly busy, then I went through this phase of getting really drunk and just not bothering with you which I know now is wrong. But you know I get when I'm drunk, I'm an asshole." He said slightly reading my eyes for me to say something. But I didn't, so he carried on. "Then, I missed you so much I just felt so low, really low. I felt like I wanted to shut everyone out, so I did. I ignored most of the boys, I stayed in my room most times. Then you just turned up and I was so excited, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off, I was overly happy."

I smiled, "I'm not angry that you ignored me."

"Well, you should be. Look what I made you do." He said as I felt his hands fumble around and grab my wrists and he pulled them up.

"Luke, c'mon stop." I said grasping them free.

"Just know, if I knew you had hurt yourself I wouldn't have done it."

"Okay." I simply replied with.

"But, on a better note. Earlier was good." He said cheekily.

"Mhm, sure was." I laughed. "I'm surprised you can remember you was drunk."

He chuckled. "Shut up, I can remember it."

"All of it?" I furrowed my eye brows in a jokey way.

"Maybe not all. I bet I fucked your hips up." He sniggered.

"Literally, my hips are the worse they've ever been." I laughed.

"Fuck, seriously?" He asked, I nodded.

• • • •

I woke up the next day, feeling really low. I wasn't a hundred percent sure why I was feeling like it, but I felt like there was a huge weight on my chest that was weighing me down.