(2) Self Harm, Depression & The Janoskians

Chapter 13

Aprils POV

I stood frozen in my spot, my mouth because clammy and dry. I freaked out and looked down at my arms, they were on show. I panicked and grabbed my jumper off the floor, yanking it over my body. My hands were shaking, I knew I'd be caught at some point.

"Luke..." I trailed as I looked back up at him as he gulped.

"You- you told me..." He said taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something but just stuttered, he put head in his hands and sighed through his nose.

"Luke, please don't be mad. It's just been hard recently."

"Why? Whys it been that hard- that you've done this?" He said his tone slightly becoming louder.

"Just stuff, Luke." I sighed and rubbed my arm.

"What! What stuff? Nothing that bad could of happened that you couldn't have spoken to me about- or Lindsay? So what April?" He said now raising his head.

"I was just in a bad place." I said trying to keep myself from becoming overly upset.

"Why?" He said I could see he was becoming frustrated.

"Luke, please." I begged as I felt myself starting to tremble.

"No, fucking tell me why you've hurt yourself!" He said as he stood up which made me feel instantly worried.

"I can't."

He looked at me harshly. "Tell me now," He gritted. "Or, I'll..."

My throat felt as if it was closing in, "You'll what..."

"I'll..." He said but I knew he didn't have an argument, he just shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, just tell me, April!" He said his angry tone starting to intimidate me.

I didn't reply, instead I quickly wiped away a tear that fell down my cheek. I was trying not to full on start crying because I'd look like a blubbering mess.

"April, tell me right now." He said.

"Because you left." I blustered. It came out of me, I didn't even expect it.

His eyes widened, swallowing his saliva. "What?" He said. "This? This is my fault?"

"No, no. Luke I didn't mean that. I'm sorry."

"Yes you did!" He said his tone becoming louder once again.

My tears then came rushing out. "I didn't!" I said.

He shot me a look before rushing over to me quite fast, he grabbed my arms which actually quite hurt. He pushed my body up against the wall vigorously, I flinched. I was really panicky and scared at this point. He lent back and while he still seemed angry his hands sharply rolled up the sleeves on my arms and he held out my arm. I tried to grab it back not wanting him to see again, but he was a hundred times stronger than me.

He glared at them for a moment as I just cried, then I felt his warm lips plant very strong kisses on my skin. "I'm sorry," He said and then kissed again. "I'm sorry," Again, "I'm so sorry." I just closed my eyes. I couldn't look at him like this, it wasn't his fault. Just because I had missed him, I had done this to myself. It was my choice and it wasn't his fault.

"Luke, stop saying sorry. Honestly, none of this is your fault." I said as I tried to make him stop, I couldn't stand him and watch him blame himself.