(2) Self Harm, Depression & The Janoskians

Chapter 17

Aprils POV

He was panting, he sounded like he couldn't breathe at all, he was shaking furiously and it was scaring me. He was sweating too and his whole body was tense. The boys had now come in and they watched as he freaked out, Luke's hands were tightly gripped on my shirt which pulled me closer to him. I was cooing to him and stroking his hair, but he was crying like crazy and his eyes seemed blank.

"What's happening to him?" Beau asked. He seemed quite shook up from seeing Luke like this.

"I don't know- I think he's having a panic attack." I said but didn't want to even think of that.

"Oh my god." Daniel sighed, everyone seemed to be quite scared as we had never seen Luke like this, Luke had only had one bad dream before around me but wasn't as bad as this when he woke up.

"Should I call an ambulance?" Jai said quickly.

"No, no." I said. "Just one of you come over here and help me calm him down, he's hurting me." I flinched as his grip kept tightening on the shirt and it started to hurt.

They all looked at each other before Jai nodded and walked over, taking a seat on the bed, I unlaced my fingers from Luke's hair and Jai helped pull Luke's hands off my shirt but Luke just stayed stiff. Jai pulled Luke towards him and just embraced him in his arms, he hugged him tightly. I saw Luke's eyes slowly shut and after a few moments his breathing started to slow down and get back to normal and he started to relax.

Once we knew he was back to himself, Jai stood up and let Luke sit there by himself. Luke had his head in his hands, but you could see he was calm now.

"Will you be okay with him, April?" James asked, I wasn't even sure but the sleep filled eyes on all the boys told me they were very tired and their body language was enough to tell me that.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, he'll be fine." I nodded, they all nodded in sync after too.

They all said goodnight and that if anything else happened I had to go and wake them up straight away. I smiled weakly at them.When they left it was all silent, I took my hand and put it on Luke's back, he rose his head and looked at me. I could sense my touch slightly startled him firstly.

"Thank god." He said, I didn't really understand what he meant by that, but he started looking at his arms and my face before sighing.

"Let's get into bed." I said to him it had been a long night, we both needed sleep now. He stood up, he still looked so nervous and scared though.

I climbed under the sheets, I felt the weight of Luke's body come onto the bed. The warmth of his body and the quilt was making me feel at ease again, I felt Luke's hand search the sheet for mine, he lay his large hand above mine.

"April." I heard him whisper.

"Yes?" I mumbled back.

"Please never leave me." He said, I could feel his breathing starting to rise again.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused on what he was on about.

"Just, please. Never leave me, never do something like before that would take you away from me," He said his voice started to tighten. "When you- when you tried to kill yourself, I think it did something to me." I could hear his words shaking.

"Like what?" I said, daring to ask anything more. But I think I now had gathered what the dream may have been about.

"It must have done something to me, which made me really fucking scared about you. I think it's just I really panic about what you're going to do to yourself," He trembled. "I can't live in fear of what you're going to do."