(2) Self Harm, Depression & The Janoskians

Chapter 32

His beautiful adorned torso is on full show before I can even reply to his comment. I start to realise what is happening and panic. As much as I really want this, I mean I really want this. Who in their right mind would turn him down? I know how he would re-act to my arm. "Come on." He said, dragging me to the bed before pushing me down.

He was quick to peel my jeans from my legs and throw them across the room, I felt stiff and I didn't know what to do when he grabbed the hem of my shirt, at first I thought I may be alright with the darkness in the room, but Luke somehow always feels them.

"Sit up, I need to take this off." He gestured to his jumper on my body.

Panic rushed through me. "Can I keep it on?" I asked him quietly.

"What?" He breathed. "You do realise we are about to have sex?"

"Yeah, I know that, I don't know I just want to keep it on." Nervousness rushed through my blood stream as he stared at me, he looked utterly confused, his face then slowly fell and he seemed to turn slightly consumed in thought.

"April..." He started. "If you've done something, you need to tell me, right now." He said backing off of my body.

"You promise you won't get mad?" I said, but his eyes scanned my face and didn't reply. "I'm so sorry." I continued and I felt a lump in my throat rise and my eyes slowly started to become damp.

He backed away and his hands wrapped in his hair, he looked so angry. "Fuck!" He screamed out. "For fuck sake!" He said louder.

I sat and watched him and our intimate session had been cut of because of me, I was so selfish, I was the worst person I could think of right now, always thinking of myself other than him. "Luke..." I said as I got up, pulling the jumper lower and sitting beside him as he perched on the floor.

"April, please don't." As I went to touch him.

"I'm sorry." I sobbed harder.

"Why?" He shouted. "Why again?" I tried to speak but I couldn't, I couldn't even comprehend the reason myself. "Is it me?"

"No!" I said quickly. "No, please don't think that." He quickly stood up, grabbing my arm along with him and pulling me up, I winced as he did.

"Show me." He said, pain clear in his eyes.

"What?" I asked, taken back.

"Show me, now."

I didn't budge so Luke grabbed the hem of his jumper and pulled it up, he told me to raise my arms and I refused, but of course, he ended up doing it himself forcefully. The jumper was hoisted off my body and I felt extremely uncomfortable standing only in my underwear. I wrapped my arms around my body, but Luke reached out and grabbed my arm.

"Let me see!" He raised his voice as he turned over my arm and his eyes clamped shut. I waited for him to leave or scream at me, but to my suprise he didn't. He hurled me into his body and huffed, hugging me in a right embrace.

After, he sat us down on the bed and held my arm out still in front of him, he lightly grazed his thumb over them. "Why?"

"I'm sorry," I dodged his question. "I am so sorry, it wasn't meant to happen. I get this...irritation when I don't cut." I admitted.

He sighed and nodded. "I know, you itch and itch, I've caught you." He reminded me."I'm so angry, but I know you can't help it." He looked up at me. "You're going to get better, I promise. I'm going to get you some help." I wasn't sure what he meant by it.

"Can we drop it until the morning?" I asked him and he nodded.

He quickly lifted my arm up and placed a long kiss to my arm before letting me retract it from his touch.