(2) Self Harm, Depression & The Janoskians

Chapter 28

Luke's POV

After my outburst I felt absolutely embarrassed. I hated anyone, especially my brothers seeing me upset. I was trying and trying to call April, but she wasn't picking up. I felt like absolute rubbish, I just wanted to make things right, I just wanted April back. I wanted so bad to wake up beside her in the morning, or wake her up in the middle of the night and tell her to move closer to me because I was 'cold' but really it was because her body close to mine made me feel somewhat complete, then she'd twist her body around and kiss my lips quickly before sleeping once again, then I'd lay there for a moment and watch her. I just wanted that again, it had only been two days, but already I was missing her like crazy.

I was stressing about it immense amounts, I knew I needed to make this right, but I couldn't get hold of her. I tried and tried to call her again before I finally got through.

"Hello?" Her voice piped through the phone.

"April-"

"Luke, I'm at work. This isn't a good time."

"Oh- fuck, sorry. I just really need to sort this out, April."

"Luke," She sighed "There is nothing to sort out, we've spoken about this."

"Please, I don't want to split up. We can't just throw all of this away. I fucking love you, April."

"And I love you too, but it's a hard situation. While we are away from each other, there is no point us being together. I don't want what happened last time, to happen again."

"For fuck sake." I sighed knowing there was no way of solving this. "Are you still angry about the argument?"

"Of course I am, but I really can't be bothered to argue or think about it. I've got bigger problems right now."

"How is she?" I asked, knowing automatically what her 'bigger problems' were.

"Fine, much better. Thanks for asking. But, Luke I really have to go. I'm sorry, I'll call you after my shift."

"Okay, bye." I replied, not wanting her to go because I honestly just wanted her voice to ring through my ears for hours. But before I had the chance to tell her I loved her, the phone call had been ended.

I sighed and threw my hands down beside me, I was really contemplating on what to do. I needed advice and help on making a decision but nobody really knew how to help me. I personally don't think people who know of me and April, really know us. They don't know us as a couple, nobody does. They know we are together, but they know nothing about us.

I felt desperate and vulnerable. I knew that neither me or April were to blame for this situation, it was a petty argument that really had no proper meaning. I was stuck in a hard situation that I didn't really want go home, April obviously found that hard as she needed me. I didn't like the fact she was leaving because I had the exact same reason. I now knew that we both was finding it hard to have a long distance relationship, six months before was hard. Time zones and a busy schedule was a factor which played us not being able to speak as often as we wanted. Even though I had admitted not wanting to speak to April sometimes when I had the chance to.

I felt like I needed a night out, something to get my mind off this for a few hours, even if it was a messy night out drinking, which couldn't really either be done as it would be illegal in the US. Unless it was in one of those back night clubs where we've been let in before, because they care about the money they make and not the law. But then again, I had risked things last time when we had been out, girls swarming the places, in small little outfits, moving around without a care in the world. When I had the temptation to just loose a night from my relationship just to feel a girl close to me, but obviously I retained the temptation and stayed faithful. Then again, there was things like concerts or gigs somewhere in LA for me to enjoy myself.