(2) Self Harm, Depression & The Janoskians

Chapter 15

Aprils POV

We were upstairs in Luke's room, he had locked us in. He told me he didn't want any interruptions, which I found stupid because everybody normally knocked on his door before they came in, so locking it was quite extreme.

We was now watching a film, Luke was concentrating on it but I couldn't. I could hear chatters and laughs from everyone downstairs, I wanted to see what these girls looked like. Obviously they would probably be absolutely stunning and nothing compared to me, but they were the boys friends. But who was I kidding, I'd go all awkward and freak out around them anyway.

"What are you thinking about?" Luke asked.

I sighed. "Just about how much I love you." I said in a jokey way.

He sighed loudly. "I love you too, April." He said a small glint of depression lurking in his eyes.

He lent his head in to give me a quick kiss, just as his lips grazed on mine, he quickly shot away and held his finger up. "Can you hear that?" He quickly said.

We stayed silent for a moment and I tried to listen out, but I didn't hear anything. "No?" I said quite confused.

"Is someone coming upstairs?" He said.

"I don't think so, I couldn't hear anything. Why does it matter? The doors locked." I said furrowing my face.

"Mhm." He hushed me, his index finger still raised in the air.

"Luke-" I said as he cut me off.

"Shhh." He hummed, his head slightly tilted up still trying to listen.

I widened my eyes and rolled back down, letting him listen out for no reason. He stayed propped up like it for a few moments, before leaning back down and watching the film again. "Why did it matter if someone was coming up?" I asked, still confused by his wary actions.

"Privacy." He bluntly said. "I wanted some time with you, it's been hard you know. Six months, it's a long time."

His statement made me laugh slightly, he was the one who ignored me for months. If he hadn't done that, then maybe I would've been here much more quicker than I had. I didn't bother replying to him, I just kept my face on the screen and let it go.

A few moments later, a loud chuckle ran through the house, it was a girls laugh. "Seriously? Can't they ever shut the fuck up." Luke spat while jumping off the bed.

"Luke, she was only laughing." I said, slightly curios about his wary actions.

He rubbed the nape of his neck, his body looked tense. I stood up and walked over to him, running my hands over his shoulders he relaxed. "What's bothering you?" I asked.

"I just don't like them girls." He sighed, rubbing his eyes.

"Well, they're not hurting anyone, just let them be. They're not in here, they're not bothering us." I reassured him.

He nodded and looked down for a moment. "I really do love you, you know. Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I just fucking love you. You mean the absolute world to me and I just, I couldn't ever bare the thought of you upset or hurting yourself. I fucking hate it. I love you and I love you when you're happy. But I still love you when you're sad, we have nearly been together for a year and it's had it's ups and downs but, I still am so much in love with you than I firstly was and more." He blurted out, it all came out of him so quick I think even he was just slightly over taken by all he had said.

I still smiled though, "I love you too."

He sighed before smiling, his whole body now relaxed. He then pulled me in and hugged me tightly, the feeling was amazing. I had never felt so much love and passion between us for a while, even though it was just a hug it meant a lot more.