(2) Self Harm, Depression & The Janoskians

Chapter 19

A few days had passed and the girls were back, we were all in the garden and me and Luke had been forced to come down and engage with everyone, which I wasn't enjoying at all. Firstly, they kept looking me up and down, they kept turning their noses up at everything I did and really didn't want to be downstairs with them.

"What's the matter?" Luke asked me quietly as we both took some food off the BBQ Beau had been cooking on.

"Nothing." I shrugged, but Luke frowned. I knew he didn't believe me.

"It's them two isn't it?" He asked, I shot my head up. I was about to deny it but he knew anyway so there was no point even bothering, I nodded slightly and he sighed.

"Ignore them, I don't want to he down here just as much as you." He said sending me a slight smirk.

"Can't we run off." I smirked back.

"I wish, Beau's been throwing a girly fit about how much time he's spent on the dinner." He laughed.

I looked over at Beau who was talking, he had a bright pink apron with the outline of a woman's body wrapped around his waist from when he was cooking. I couldn't help but smile at it, he could make me laugh sometimes.

"April." Jai called, I turned around and looked at him. "Bring me the ketchup over please."

I nodded and put my plate down, I took the sauce over to him as he thanked me. As I turned around the two girls had now emerged over to Luke and was speaking to him. I silently walked back over and grabbed my plate, slightly sliding next to Jai and eating.

I couldn't help but wonder when they would all go home to Australia, they hadn't really spoken about their families much around me but I was sure they probably miss them. I didn't understand how they could be away for so long and not break down, I couldn't handle being away from Lindsay for over six months. But then again, I was now here and the time scheme I would be out here for was unknown, I didn't have a set date and I'd just book a plane home when they wanted me too.

I understood that they wanted to live their dreams out here, but the reality was that their parents had to deal with the heart ache of her children away for a long period of time. But Luke had mentioned they were planning to go home for a month or so, then they'd be coming back. That upset me slightly, the thought of Luke and the boys being home in Australia, for me to settle back into the fact they'd be home and then they'd leave again. And I surely can't afford to come back out with them nor would the boys always necessarily want me me out here with them again.

"You alright?" Jai said slightly bumping my shoulder with his, I had realised I had my food in my hand but was blankly staring ahead.

"Oh... Yeah, just day dreaming." I smiled, he sent me a slight smile and looked away.

I contracted my eyes back at the girls and Luke. They were all sitting down together now, I wasn't the slightest bit jealous about the girls around Luke. But there was still a bug in my head saying that they aren't good news. I felt as if they were acting around them all, as if they were trying to act perfect. It wasn't working though, I know when someone's trying to act a certain way to achieve something. I had done it myself towards Luke before, trying to act happy when actually in reality I wasn't. I didn't know exactly what Alexa and Fie wanted from Luke but it didn't seem real to me.

After everyone had ate, we all headed inside as the night had fallen and the air was becoming nippier. I sat on a bar stool in the kitchen watching Beau tell a story about him burning himself on the BBQ but how it was worth it because the chicken had turned out, I quote, "Pretty fucking damn good." I did laugh at some of the stuff he said, especially when he reenacted his reaction after he had burned his finger and when he pointed to the supposed burn mark although I saw nothing there he said it was his 'war scar', which I found slightly humorous.